SLiPchick's Virtual Shadows

I've been so focused on the "coming out" stuff recently that I think I've rather lost sight of what working on this blog was supposed to be about: writing out my experiences and my encounters with Penelope and Her guidance for my life. I struggle mightily with acknowledging that in myself and working out how to express it without overstating or overestimating my own importance/relevance; I'm all too keenly aware of the perils and traps that prophets and gurus fall into. But I also fall into the trap of discounting myself and what I have to offer. It's never been an easy sell for parts of my psyche that anything I might say or write would be of anything more than passing interest to anybody. Penelope assures me that is not the case and that I need to step up to the plate and accept that I genuinely do contribute something important and beautiful and meaningful to the world (as does  every  human being, in the end). I know from the blog statistics that ...

I subscribe to Anu Garg's A.Word.A.Day mailing list. So I get a new word in my email inbox every Monday through Friday. It's a wonderful piece of daily email, I highly recommend signing up: Subscribe to A.Word.A.Day But that's not the point of this post; along with the word for the day Anu includes a quote; a "thought for today" and today's was: Those who compare the age in which their lot has fallen with a golden age which exists only in imagination, may talk of degeneracy and decay; but no man who is correctly informed as to the past, will be disposed to take a morose or desponding view of the present.  --Thomas Babington Macaulay, author and statesman (25 Oct 1800-1859)  Now, I do tend to subscribe to the notion that human nature overall has not changed overly much since prehistoric times and the general vicissitudes of life, love, growing up, and just figuring out how we can get along with one another appear to be remarkably the same across t...

I've always been fascinated by displays of elaborate series of dominoes set up in rows so that when one is tipped it tips the next and the next and the next... Some examples from YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARM42-eorzE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsLHWqWg1N4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4I1Lm2GX18 Thinking about this, for being a generally western endeavor, there's a very Buddhist/Zen mindset to this, a great deal of precision and effort put in for a rather brief display of virtuosity. Something like the elaborate and precise sand mandalas the Tibetan monks create only to brush them away in a moment at the end. YouTube again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdUFqkX2d6I https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgoHUH-_yWo https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcJWazzEUKk Penelope has likened events in my life recently to Dominoes falling, We did a great deal of groundwork over many months (much of which She clearly did behind the scenes, though She's lo...

So, here I am. Say hello to Stefanya! Hello Stefanya, my Darling! ;-) Hello Penelope, my Love. I'm so glad you're on this amazing journey with me. Nowhere else I'd rather be, Hon. Believe that, let it in. I'm here. I am always here, I'm with you. As you are, as you're becoming: Stef I desire you as a woman. Hear me Hon, you are my Eternal Love, always and forever. Know it to the depths of your heart, soul, being. I'll keep writing this until you GET IT, get it? ;-P  Yes ma'am. And don't you start with the patronizing (or is it matronizing now?) you evil witch.  Thank you for calling me that. I know you aspire to a sort of witchy-crone/earth mother/gypsy-goth chick mashup vibe for your feminine energy. I do; I'm not sure whether I can pull that off though. I think you can, I'm sure you can. We'll work on it together. You've definitely got the eye for the style, just a matter of acquiring the right accessories then dre...

There's an Elephant in the Room of my writings here that, while it hasn't negatively impacted my overall efforts (I think), I have had to dance around a bit when discussing certain topics because I hadn't yet revealed what was going on to everyone; my blog audience in particular. It's high time for me to do something about that... I'll cut to the chase: I am transgender. I identify as a woman and have lately been taking steps to live my life fully as female 24/7. This has been a long time coming for me. Unlike many trans women's stories I've encountered, I can't say I've spent my life insisting I'd been misgendered. Nor can I say that I spent much of my life consciously thinking in terms of overtly  wanting  to be a girl/woman per se (at least not most of the time); I've just known all my life I was different somehow. In particular I never really felt comfortable being a boy/man. I recall being sad and disappointed at proscription...

A new earworm this morning, turned on the radio on the way to work this morning and Peter Gabriel's In Your Eyes was on, about 2/3 of the way through unfortunately; but enough. I guess I'd never really listened  to the lyrics before: Love I get so lost, sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are All my instincts, they return And the grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside In your eyes The light the heat In your eyes I am complete In your eyes I see the doorway to a thousand churches In your eyes The resolution of all the fruitless searches In your eyes I see the light and the heat In your eyes Oh, I want to be that complete I want to touch the light The heat I see in your eyes Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so ti...