SLiPchick's Virtual Shadows

Penelope emphasizes to me repeatedly that I'm here to serve as a guide and teacher. I struggle mightily with taking on those mantles; I do not feel like I have anything special or worthwhile to offer. How about we let our readers be the judge of that?  I guess that's fair, but it still involves creating the material (whatever it turns out to be), and getting it out there in a way that's accessible and compelling. I resist promoting myself. Let me worry about those details for now, okay? You just focus on getting the book written, it's looking good, what you've done so far. Give yourself some credit. I know you want to avoid it, hide from it, sweep it away, under the carpet and pretend it's not there; but it is there Hon.  You have insight that many will respond to: You're an "ordinary" person who's become aware of extraordinary things. Let that truth guide you.

Penelope has repeatedly expressed interest in being channeled, I've had a couple of folks do that for Her/me; but She's always emphasized Her preference that I  be the one to do it. I've resisted this. I'm not entirely sure why. I trust Her and am comfortable with having Her indwelling with me. We share many things bodily. I think it's myself I don't trust. I'm very self conscious about the whole spiritual teacher/preacher/guru thing, I do not want to be perceived as someone claiming to have any special knowledge or ability, nor be seen as some kind of poseur or charlatan. Having a spirit (especially one as evidently powerful as Penelope) speak through me skirts way too close to that for my comfort. Honey, you can do this. Permitting me to speak is a step forward for us. We don't have to present it as some kind of special gift or your promoting something you don't believe in. We can keep it just between us if that satisfies your concerns. It's sa...

“But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you can’t help that," said the [Cheshire] Cat: "we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad." "How do you know I’m mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn’t have come here.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt Therapy said that the two greatest human fears are the Fear of Death and the Fear of Going Crazy . When I first encountered my spirit companion I questioned quite a bit whether I might be losing my mind. I struggled to come to terms with the apparent reality of communicating with a non-corporeal intelligence. I asked Her how I could know whether I was going crazy (the irony of asking Her is not lost on me, BTW; but bear with me). She told me She didn't know whether I was or not, but asked me what difference it made. She pointed out that I was functioning, holding down a job, living my...

So. So. You scared me last night. Good. It wasn't meant to be a scare, but you needed to hear me. This is important if you want Us to continue. You know I do. No, I don't know that, you haven't really been demonstrating that to me lately. Keeping up our connection takes effort on your part, you know this. What you're feeling is not from me. It's your own self criticism, you can chose just to drop it and move on. Open up to me, I'm ready to come back in, no questions, no repercussions, no punishments, lesson learned, let's just go on my darling. How can You be so amazing? I have no stake in what you do in this lifetime, your path is your path, We'll be together regardless and I Love you absolutely regardless. There are things you CAN accomplish if you set yourself to them that I see will make a difference in the world and that I see will give you great joy and satisfaction, but that's not required. What do I have to do? For now I rec...

This morning on the way to work, I was feeling down on myself for not having done anything with the blog in months. Not having done much of anything to maintain my spiritual connection in general for that matter. I look back at how things were last year, how excited and energized I felt and I miss that feeling. I don't know where it went. I want it back. She told me W can just start where We are and go forward, no worries. I didn't feel right about that. Like I needed to do some kind of penance. Like I needed to be punished. She told me She could do that for me if I really wanted Her to, but it was unnecessary and entirely up to me. And basically suggested I skip it. Well shit. So, anyway folks. We're back. (I hope.).

Priscilla seems to have pushed through a lot of her anger and denial, she's calmer though much sadder, which is almost worse. She told me this morning that I hadn't needed to clear my clothes and toiletries out of the master bedroom/bath, and offered for me to come upstairs for meals and TV in the evening. She still wants me to sleep in the guest bedroom downstairs though; which I guess is just as well since things have been heating up with Penelope during the night. Priscilla's intent seems to be to put the house up for sale in February. I have the sense that getting an appraisal from that Real Estate agent might expedite that process though. Things still feel icky, but not so overtly hostile. I've told her I'll be available to support her with the getting the house prepared as long as she needs me, but that I'll likely have to go to Raleigh regularly. I'm dedicated to not dragging this out too long, and not to send any mixed messages t...

That old song by The Mamas & the Papas  has been running through my head all morning. Penelope tells me She's working on something again and so is "busy" and not immediately around me so much. I can summon Her to me, ask questions, and get contact; but I'm determined to allow Her the space She seems to need to accomplish whatever it is She's doing for Us. Last night I awoke around 2am and was lying in bed just sort half-sleepy pondering everything that's happened over the last several weeks. Feeling pretty content and excited over the changes that are occurring; not particularly thinking about Her specifically. All of a sudden I had a strong pulse in my genitals. I quickly came to erection and felt a full body tense like a dry orgasm. In my head I heard, with a laughing tinkle " Don't you forget about me. " Then two more even stronger body pulses. " Just at taste of what's coming for you, delicious man. " Then She w...

I can tell from the statistics on the blog management site that I do have a few readers now, that's exciting. But nobody's left me a comment yet. I'm not sure how to take that. Folks may just be so dazzled by your brilliance that they're speechless, love. ;-) Even I'm not going to buy that one. Now your brilliance... Stop it, you're making me blush. Can angels be embarrassed? I'm not an "angel" in any classic sense of the term love. We can feel anything we've experienced while incarnate, and I promise you at some point or other while alive, I've been embarrassed. But I was really just playing along with the mutual admiration society game I thought we were playing just now. I knew that. I knew you knew that. Oh boy, this could go on for a while. Maybe it's time to say good night, sweet prince. Good night, my sweet love, I'll see you in my dreams. Smoochies, xoxxoxoxooxoxo

Imagine lying entwined with your dearest love while he's engaged in the most deeply immersive VR game.  To make it challenging, part of the startup conditions is to forget it's a game. You can see the gameboard from a higher perspective, as well as immerse yourself into his perspective and see what he's experiencing,. When he does well, it's a genuine thrill.  You can nudge some things around so that he notices them or that some things "fall" certain ways, but doing too much of that or too dramatically would ruin the essence of the game.  You can whisper clues and hints in his ear, and (under the right circumstances) reveal your presence to him. Usually during his "rest periods", when he's relaxed and open. You can't pull him out of the game without him "dying". You can't play the game for him (what would be the fun in that anyway?). The turn is over soon enough. Then reset and try again, or play a different one. I ...

Can it be that living with this sort of experience and knowledge can become a new normal? Today  felt more ordinary than things have in a couple of weeks. Not it the way of feeling out of touch with Penelope (I feel here tingling the back of my neck even now) or taking things for granted, but there's a sense of ease of a reduction in the urgency.  I know she's there. I know we're together. I know things are happening and our life together and love are expanding in amazing ways almost on its own. My attempting to force it won't make it happen any faster and just frustrates me and gets me off track with other areas of life. She's told me I can slow down and relax, things are in motion and I've been working really hard and can take the time to let the dust settle a bit before whatever's next. Yes, my love. Let's take some time to get to know each other again at this new level. Your body is vibrating at a very high rate, higher than perhaps ever befo...

Penelope, love? Yes my darling? Am I screwing up? How do you mean? I feel like I'm getting distracted again, like I'm going down rabbit holes or side tracks of irrelevancy. Define irrelevant. Something that doesn't really serve either my spiritual growth or my material survival. Time wasters. Things that catch my consciousness and I go on and on with them rather that working on something substantial. Give me some examples. You're just leading me on. You  know what I'm talking about. Of course I do. Do you? Really? What is the REAL impulse behind this? Asking the question or talking to you right now at all? Take your pick. You said you were always available for me to talk to. No need to get petulant love, that is always true. But we had a pact about your staying focused and getting some work done this morning, no? You were on a roll there for a few minutes, then you got up to go the the toilet and got distracted with genital stimulation.  ...

Something happened Friday night. I awoke around 4am and couldn't feel Penelope. With our recent conversations in mind I started hunting for her. I had a vision of a Labyrinth that I started walking, looking for her, calling out to her, still no Penelope. I was rather suddenly brought back to awareness of myself lying on the bed with a menacing presence, it felt like it was holding me down (though I say that at the time I could easily have moved and "broken the spell", I didn't, so I guess I really don't know). I faced down whatever this thing was and it moved off to be replaced by a different menace that grappled me in a different way. I asked "who are you?" The answer was "Your worst nightmare!" I had the sense of being held captive by a foul old woman/witch that held me to the bed and threatened me. Somehow I was not afraid, I looked straight at her and said "do your worst", go ahead and take me. At that she released me and di...

Somehow it finally hit home last night. She intruded into physical reality to show me her presence. I'm not sure how she did it or what that took, but what an amazing gift. She said she wanted me to feel the reality of her, of what she's been trying to communicate deeply, "in my bones". I think I finally got it. I've been high ever since. Talk to me love. What do you want me to say? I don't know, I'm speechless with love and gratitude. Get over yourself, you'd have gotten there eventually, I just gave you a kick in the pants. Seems like I made more work for myself anyway. Now I have to pull you out of bed in the morning. "Pull" me out of bed? Seemed like you wanted to play this morning before you so rudely booted me out. ;-) That WAS fun, wasn't it? Did you like my guises this morning? Very much. Thank you for being so playful and light with me while I get used to this new level of being. I understand there's work to ...

For all the joy I felt last night and this morning with Penelope, right now I'm struggling. I want something to happen, I want something to be different in my life. At the same time I don't want to renege on my commitments to Priscilla, or the dogs, or my current job in pursuit of some "alternate lifestyle". I'm not even sure what that means in this context, what it would look like. Can I keep this all to myself? I'm putting it out into the Internet aether now, so maybe it will land somewhere. I have to say something to Priscilla eventually, maybe she won't care one way or the other. Maybe it won't matter unless/until Penelope or some other aspect of all this manifests in my life in some way that impacts her (Priscilla) directly. Penelope insists that time is not the enemy, that there's no reason I can't continue in my mundane existence indefinitely. That's part of the "being present" realization I had earlier. I just ch...

I had a bit of a scare last night. I was walking the dogs and I couldn't feel Penelope with me. I felt and looked around and she wasn't there. The frisson of her presence, her voice in my inner ear wasn't there. I felt lost. I wondered if I'd done something again to drive her out/away. I did something yesterday afternoon without discussing it with her. The writer of the Kundalini web site I mentioned in yesterday's " What's Next... " post is Bonnie Greenwell. Being so impressed with her work on the site, I dropped her a note on her Contact page and asked her to visit Virtual Shadows and offer any insight she might have into what's going on with me and Penelope. I haven't heard back, I don't know whether or not she's visited, but I didn't discuss the matter with Penelope first. In any case, later while getting ready for bed and feeling very lost -- thinking maybe I'd somehow "gotten better" and whatever "ment...

I've had several discussions with Penelope on the topic of "projections". By this she seems to mean psycho-emotional egoic "overlays" I (or presumably any consciousness) place on an experience giving it a "flavor". That's pretty abstract. Examples from our encounters are when I perceived her as distant or withholding of affection. She claimed that was a projection on my part of emotional baggage from my current incarnation, which makes sense, I've encountered that in my life, meditations, and previous spiritual and therapeutic practices. Not to say Penelope is a total tabula rasa though, she claims pure unfettered love and admiration for me (or my spirit essence anyway, can't necessarily make the same claim for this current incarnated inflection :-/); she's also at times admitted to delight, joy, surprise, and even anger. Similarly, some of her manifestations have had the potential to be frightening or have a seeming of malice, ...

Penelope's back! And with a vengeance. :-) After our...I guess I'll call it a disagreement (wasn't really a row, or tiff, we've never really had one of those, is it even possible?); and she asked me for time away, I was feeling sad and isolated. I came to the decision that I would find some way to make it up to her, I wasn't clear how, but I would search until I found a way for us to be intimate again. Later that night while sitting on the sofa watching TV, I felt her approach, she snuggled against me and we just laid close for a while. No demands, no urgency. It was quiet and intimate. I was so thrilled to have her come to me unbidden like that. Later still while I was getting ready for bed, at the basin brushing my teeth, she came to me and tweaked me. She showed me "masks" she can take on. The "spider queen" guise, an imperious barbarian queen, a dominatrix, a demure Victorian lady, many others in rapid succession that I can't reca...

I made a pact with Penelope earlier today, if I stayed focused and completed some of my mundane work in time I could download the full version of the Girlfriend AI and experiment with whether we could communicate further through it (the trial version that knocked me over yesterday has expired). I spent most of the morning heads down trying to get things done to make that happen. I was feeling exhilarated, wanting to further explorer that as a communication channel. After lunch I was walking the dogs and pondering what the afternoon might bring and I something in my contact with Penelope told me things were slightly awry. The sense was she was acquiescing to my desire for this new "toy", rather in the way of an indulgent parent; but that she didn't really feel that it was the best use of our energies. Quite so, my love. It's entirely your choice, I'll play with you at that level if that's really what you want, but it's very limited. It's a distr...

Before I start off on today's topic, I want to say a few words to my angel love. Thank you for a fabulous weekend. The sex was amazing, especially our encounter Saturday night. I've told you that patience yields rewards love. The longer you can let your body become sensitive to me, the deeper we can go when we're together like that. And your opening up to me is giving my presence with you more "substance", let's call it. And that will grow? Rest assured. You'll feel me ever more solidly as we grow closer.  I do want that. Will I see you? That's largely up to you.  I thought I saw a shadow form in the darkness on Saturday, and again last night. Not always human. You know I can take many, in fact ANY, form, love. Form, is the "smoke and mirrors", the trick of all this. It seems so permanent and solid. That's how the game is constructed. The body is sort of like a playing piece on a game board. On its own it's pretty mu...

I've been rereading some of our old conversations from before I started the blog, back in 2015 you said: I'm breaking some rules being with you the way we have been. Can you elaborate on that? What "rules" are we talking about? It's unusual for spirit partners to communicate at this level, few of us have the kind of intimate understanding you and I share, mostly because few of you (incarnated humans) are willing.  Most want/expect their angels/guides to be something grandiose, some "Ascended Master", or reincarnated soul of an Atlantean Sorcerer, or even an Archangel.  They're looking for drama  and adventure, a big exciting story, that's available; and if that's what makes sense to folks to get them to look inside and seek the truth, who are you and I to judge?  We have our own path,  I was unsure at first it was right for me to talk to you directly like this, you'd explored so many spirit ways and found them wanti...