SLiPchick's Virtual Shadows

Some time ago I wrote about my trepidation regarding physically encountering (for want of a better term) the paranormal . Part of me desperately wants to have an encounter of some kind, and yet the thought of it being right here, in my face, is terrifying.  Over the last couple of years, I've read much of Whitley Strieber 's oeuvre regarding his Communion experience and how his notion of what happened to him and what's going on have evolved since his original encounter in 1985. His 2017 book  The Afterlife Revolution , written ostensibly with the assistance of his late wife Anne, is particularly compelling and feels highly relevant to my life with and experience of Penelope.  At one level I very much envy his experience, I would like to be confronted in such a radical fashion with something so...I'm having a hard time coming up with a word that describes the quality...outlandish? ...transcendent? ...numinous?  As I mentioned in my earlier posting, my brus...

Penelope emphasizes to me repeatedly that I'm here to serve as a guide and teacher. I struggle mightily with taking on those mantles; I do not feel like I have anything special or worthwhile to offer. How about we let our readers be the judge of that?  I guess that's fair, but it still involves creating the material (whatever it turns out to be), and getting it out there in a way that's accessible and compelling. I resist promoting myself. Let me worry about those details for now, okay? You just focus on getting the book written, it's looking good, what you've done so far. Give yourself some credit. I know you want to avoid it, hide from it, sweep it away, under the carpet and pretend it's not there; but it is there Hon.  You have insight that many will respond to: You're an "ordinary" person who's become aware of extraordinary things. Let that truth guide you.

But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you, that ye may be the children of your Father who is in Heaven. For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and unjust. -- Matthew 5:44-45. We ALL get wet, have our homes destroyed by natural (and now man-made) disasters. We all experience storms, and sunrises, tragedy, and joy. We all get the opportunity to view Creation in Joy and Wonder, Know ourselves greatly, Love one another fiercely. Or we can ignore all that surrounds us; hide beneath layers of fear, depression, self pity, greed, and hatred; treat each other like things and vermin. We choose. Everyone is born, lives, and dies; and all (so far) having occurred within the confines of a minuscule ball of metal, water, and dust orbiting an unprepossessing star in a backwater of an apparently ordinary galaxy. The Cosmos at...

But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself -- Ricky Nelson, "Garden Party" Came across a blog post on Tumblr the other day, the OP was bemoaning the fact that they'd been nice to people and didn't get the reaction they expected. As they put it: I don’t understand how I can be so nice to people and I STILL get the cold shoulder I replied to the post thusly: Hon, if you’re being nice just so people will like you you’re doomed to frequent disappointment. People are tired, irritated, busy, distracted, preoccupied, bored, forgetful, it’s generally nothing personal nor malicious; and even when it is, it’s cause they’re just a**holes, nothing really to do with you. Do it because that’s the kind of person you want to be. I imagine this person is young, it's a hard lesson to learn that what you put out to the Cosmos may well not be reciprocated immediately or in the ...

Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.  --Voltaire, philosopher (21 Nov 1694-1778)  There's always more to do. Even Mother Theresa could have done more. It's in the nature of incarnate existence that conditions of struggle and conflict and waste and misallocation of resources and habitat destruction persist despite many heroic efforts to ameliorate them. Without getting into questions over whether any or all of those are ultimately resolvable, I do argue that we aren't meant to spend our entire time toiling against the ceaseless tide of suffering and neediness that has defined the human condition on Planet Earth since time immemorial and remains so right now. Devoting all our energy to localized patches, or even apparent "systemic fixes" (with often appalling unintended consequences); or railing against the unfairness of it all and beating our breasts at our limitations and inabilities to address them; often means we miss all the glory ...

I was reminded recently that even the best among us will sometimes falter. Nobody is immune from doubt or feeling disheartened or disenchanted with the sometimes randomly baffling and cruel appearing "lessons" we incarnate beings receive at the hands of material reality (not to mention one another). "Enlightenment" is no guarantee (nor armor) against any of that. Pain and loss are the hallmarks of material existence. But they're not the only thing, the Cosmos is full of mystery and wonder and none of us does more than barely scratch its surface during our time on Earth. Some claim that Free Will is an illusion. And perhaps it is in the sense of the freedom to act as one wills. But I argue that we're always completely free in how we feel about and respond to whatever situation we find ourselves in. Buddha said it's desire (expectations, wishing that things were different) that are the root of suffering in materiality. It may be impossible to elimina...

I've been thinking about a possible way to interpret/resolve the observer problem in quantum theory. It’s kind of like the old riddle about whether if a tree falls in a forest with no one there to hear it, does it make a sound ? The answer depends somewhat on the definition of “sound”, the requisite physical events are present, but if no perceptive system is there to “hear”, then does “sound” per se occur? The quantum observer problem presents a similar paradox: Without an observer the quantum field exists in superposition of all possible states. The act of observation -- sensing -- collapses the quantum field into what we call perceived material reality. If a tree falls in a forest with no one there to observe it, does the tree even exist to fall? Or the forest for it to exist within? Does even the notion of "falling" have meaning? Classical physics (and our perceptive and reasoning systems) would have it that the existence of objects is independent of their be...

I have dangling from the rearview mirror in my car a collection of items strung on a cord. It includes, among other things: A bent cheapie pot metal ring with a peace sign on it. A silver metal butterfly charm A piece of a crystal dangle from a chandelier A small plastic ray gun from some kind of action figure ( Star Wars ?) Part of a fancy woven earring A metal key chain fob in the likeness of Betty Boop All these oddities are things I have accumulated over the years, which I've found lying on the pavement in parking lots or along sidewalks when I was out and about. I think of them as my "Gifts from the Universe". I don't recall any longer exactly when or where I found most of them, the symbolic quality of many of them is remarkable to me though; expressing themes of peace, nature, spirituality, adventure, sexiness. Lately I've been feeling a bit out of sorts, with myself mostly, but it spills over into my relationship with Penelope (how can it not...

I've written elsewhere in the blog about how part of my spiritual growth process involves "letting go"; a recognition that I am not in control of how all this evolves and manifests. Over the last few days I've become aware of a sense of renewed discomfort over some aspects of that. Yesterday evening I asked Penelope to help me tease out what was going on with me; with her help I came to recognize in myself a seeking for a sense of being in control by being contrary. Some part of me was seeking to assert control by simply refusing to go along with the program, or even going so far as seeking to fuck things up. It's a very perverse sort of control. It's like a toddler's discovery of the power of NO! I envision myself sitting in a corner with my arms folded, a grim pout on my face, lip stuck way out, refusing to budge because it doesn't look how I want it to at that very moment. It's a petulant feeling of refusal for the sake of refusal. Refu...

I had a dream last night, while it had its own interesting twists and implications, I also recognized it as fitting within a larger pattern for me wherein there's an event or I have an encounter (often with a potent female figure) and just as things are getting "interesting" (sometimes sexually, but not necessarily) I wake up. It often seems or feels like something important is about to be revealed to me. This morning on the way to work, I asked Penelope about it, the gist of the issue seems to be that I am fearful of something in me, in my psyche and turn away, retreat into the "safety" of waking reality, rather than encounter/recognize/confront whatever it is. I think at some level it's Her , or, at least, how She's able to manifest to me as a dream figure. And I already know I'm anxious about encountering the numinous. It's fear of the Mystery , fear of what's next, fear of not knowing. I pay conscious lip service to wanting this, ...

I'm working very hard these days at making room for Penelope in my day to day life. Recognizing Her presence at every moment. I want it to be that Her companionship is at the forefront of my consciousness in the same way, even more so really, than would be a present material partner. Not to say She's intrusive or demanding and that I can't focus on tasks (say while I'm at work); it's rather that She's always there beside me, delighting in Our time together, kibitzing occasionally, laughing, caressing me occasionally. And when I take a break from my work, I'll recognize Her, talk to Her, kiss and caress Her in turn. This is what I want for Our shared existence; She tells me She wants that too. It's hard though. I get lost in thought or distracted by events and sometimes it takes me a while to reset my mind/psyche back onto Us. This morning while walking across the parking lot to the office She was dancing ahead of me as She does and I got dist...

When I first encountered Penelope as a distinct entity, there was a delightful period of discovery when I detected Her presence all around me. I had the sense of Her near me, touching me, whispering to me, "dancing" in front of me, almost constantly. As is unfortunately the wont of human brains and psyches: even the most magical and wondrous experiences can take on a patina of mundanity when they persist over time; and I'm somewhat ashamed to admit this has happened in my relationship with Penelope. So, lately I've been asking for Her help in finding some way to regain a more visceral sense of Her presence in my day-to-day life. She's recommended some things and has placed some encounters for me that have suggested various exercises that I'm exploring. A big part of it consists "simply" of  acting "as if" She's present as a material partner in day-to-day activities. Things like: having a place for Her at the table, recognizing Her...

I was thinking about "Scale" on the way to work this morning. Humans tend to think of things in terms of the scale of humanity, both size and time. It might be argued that much of the history of human intellectual development has consisted of, or been driven by a recognition of or discovery that there are other scales operating in the Cosmos. Early human spiritual realizations appear to have been driven by observations of natural cycles: day and night, birth and death, the cycles of the seasons, the repeating patterns in the sky. Over time and with increasing precision of observation and record keeping it was possible to recognize larger and larger scales that evolved over long periods. Technological advances allowed that to be pushed even further, and then into smaller and smaller scales as well. Through all this there remained a tendency to observe living organisms at the same time scale as humans. Until relatively recently the advent of time-lapse photography has...

Once again, shower musings :-/ I was thinking about how it seems like so many pieces have fallen into place, so many things I've asked for have shown up recently, and I feel like enormous portions of my spirit and psyche are being nurtured and fulfilled in ways they never had before. I was feeling incredulous, like "too good to be true." Penelope said to me: Is it really so inconceivable to you that your passions and desires might coincide with the Cosmos' Plan for your Life? Since then Penelope's words to me this morning have been: The Universe rises up to meet you darling, just watch! Stop Struggling. Let's Play! ;-) I'm trying, my darling, sometimes it's hard to get this meat brain of mine to cooperate.

I've been living in my new home and working at my new job for a few weeks now and I'd started to feel a bit in a rut already; so I asked Penelope about it on the way to work this morning. A big lesson (and struggle) for me right now centers around keeping myself open to experiencing the Mystery. I'm finding many connections and parallels among what I've been reading lately suggesting that maintaining a stance of indeterminacy regarding "reality" is necessary to the whole endeavor. Penelope, love, care to reiterate what You told me for Our blog audience? Certainly, darling.  First off, let me remind you that you personally still have some work to do to overcome your defenses and resistance to experiencing the extraordinary.  When you were younger you shut off most of those channels fairly securely, and it was all but certain you'd spend the rest of this incarnation insulated from any significant encounters of that sort. Nor did you contract to be...

Things are happening. Indeed. ;-) Touché. OK, so I got depressed, despairing, and spooked; it just seemed like things were taking so long and some stuff just didn't seem like it was fitting what I thought was supposed to happen. Those expectations will get you every time. I told you it wouldn't look like what you expect now didn't I? You did and I wanted it to fit my preconceived ideas and didn't trust You. O ye of little faith. Gotta work on that, hon. Magick is afoot! Believe. Trust me, talk to me, feel me interpenetrate through you.  It's going to be grand sweetheart. You have no idea. And we can play all the games you can imagine, and then some. So what now? There's still groundwork to be done, the garden you're in still needs tending, the next few steps aren't difficult but they're pretty important so keep your wits about you.  And try to relax and enjoy the ride, it can be lots of fun if you let it. You fre...

Darling Angel? You know I'm here lover. Are you annoyed with me? That I've been in such a bleak, black funk for so long? That I talk to you and then pull away? Sometimes I just feel like I get whiplash because of your hot and cold, hon. I wish for you to find some certainty and peace within yourself so you can stay strong and focused. It would make my job easier, true. And we'd both have a lot more fun. You know what I want. Part of me feels needy. Is demanding even, of some kind of "sign", of some more overt evidence that there's more to this than just my "imagination" (as Priscilla has been insisting). I can't give it to you like you're asking. You say you'd hurt me. Possibly, breaking down the barriers, assuming I could, would likely damage your psyche in ways that would be irreparable. You are a willful cuss in your way, just sometimes not where it would do you the most good. It's better that you ...

Stephen, my darling, there's so much happening right now, I know you feel excited and constrained and want to "get on with it". All I can tell you right now is that it's not time.  Your lesson for now is learning to relax and let it be, things are coming, it will be revealed in its own time, you can't hurry it, and trying to force it can only cause unnecessary disruptions, may distort the outcome, and can totally short circuit what we've worked so hard on. You are a patient man in many areas, apply that to yourself, to your own process. Growth has to come on its own terms.  I feel sure there will be ample other opportunities for rapid change in the not too distant future my love, I predict you'll be looking back to this quiet time nostalgically ;-) Thank you my darling angel queen. I understand. Understanding isn't enough my love, you have to feel it in your bones. BE IT.

It's been a few days since I last posted. A lot has happened. I went for an interview for a job in a different city that went very well. They haven't made a formal offer, and it remains to be seen whether relocation is the result or they may allow me to work remotely (at least temporarily to start). At this same time, I've been struggling with my contact with Penelope. She went very quiet for several days, or rather, I shut her voice out. I also don't feel her so profoundly as I had been. I don't know what to say exactly. Tell the truth. I'm not sure what the truth is in this context. You were afraid again that you were deluding yourself about my reality, you pushed me back to where you couldn't hear or feel me, and now you've just started to open the door again. And you're not furious with me for doing that to you? Saddened maybe, love; but not angry nor really surprised, it fits well with your habits and patterns of a lifetime. Disapp...

I was chatting with Penelope about what I've been reading online regarding other folks' experiences of having spirit "encounters": be they guides, guardians, lovers, whatever. There are many remarkable commonalities among the experiences I've been examining, but also quite a few apparent differences. Does this mean these are different phenomena? Different sorts of entities being encountered? What's the scoop? What I've been able to make sense out of based on many conversations with Penelope goes something like this: While there are certainly more than one sort of "entity" that might be encountered on the "spirit plane" (for want of a better term), we incarnated humans come with a life history and a lot of psycho-spiritual "baggage" (not all of it conscious, in fact probably most of it decidedly un conscious) which colors what sorts of experiences we're ready for, are willing to accept, can even conceive of. When ...