SLiPchick's Virtual Shadows

Anyone following the blog will be somewhat aware of my personal spiritual journey from "doubter" to "spirituality". For me the crux of the matter comes down to one particular issue: where do I land on the question of  the phenomenon we call   Consciousness.  Current mainstream scientific thought is materialist and reductionist in character: in this paradigm  all observable phenomena are reducible to the behavior of matter and "energy". The specific observable phenomena that science can permit as the brute facts of " Consciousness" are t he internal states   reported by humans, or (if you're generous in your definition) those which may be inferred from the behavior of animals. The current, most broadly accepted model for this is that these represent " epiphenomena": internal experience arises from and is wholly determined by  electro-chemical events within neurological tissue. While this is surely a  reasonable hypothesis which ca...

I took an on line profile inventory some time back. One of the questions was something like "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I started writing about how I wanted to focus on my writing and get published and have my work read, and then I balked. I came up against a lot of resistance to the ideas of being recognized, much less "famous"; which is in serious conflict with my fantasy/aspiration to be come a bestselling author. I don't like tooting my own horn.  I feel uncomfortable being "seen". I spent a lot of my life hiding or asking, begging even, simply to be allowed to exist. Calling attention to myself feels unnatural, counterproductive, dangerous even. Time to move past that now Darling. It's time you took up space. You have something to offer the world, let it flow. 

The more I explore humanity's relationship with nature, the more I feel we have a special role in how things play out. Whether we were somehow "assigned" this task, or took the mantle upon ourselves, I can't say. Nonetheless it increasingly appears to me something we can do. I refer in particular to the animal organisms with which we share the world, physical incarnation, and at least some level of a similar conscious awareness. Our connections with them appears to have (at least in potential) a special character. I imagine few folks who are likely to read this blog will be completely unfamiliar with the common themes and videos of "unlikely animal friends", YouTube and other venues have many examples of such. A common feature of the majority of these relationships is that they arise within a human created and facilitated environment: a home, a farm, a zoo; m any, if not most, of these would be very unlikely to arise outside of a such a situation.  ...

Some time ago I wrote about my trepidation regarding physically encountering (for want of a better term) the paranormal . Part of me desperately wants to have an encounter of some kind, and yet the thought of it being right here, in my face, is terrifying.  Over the last couple of years, I've read much of Whitley Strieber 's oeuvre regarding his Communion experience and how his notion of what happened to him and what's going on have evolved since his original encounter in 1985. His 2017 book  The Afterlife Revolution , written ostensibly with the assistance of his late wife Anne, is particularly compelling and feels highly relevant to my life with and experience of Penelope.  At one level I very much envy his experience, I would like to be confronted in such a radical fashion with something so...I'm having a hard time coming up with a word that describes the quality...outlandish? ...transcendent? ...numinous?  As I mentioned in my earlier posting, my brus...

How do I define "Passion"? To me it's what inspires you to get up in the morning. Or, better, to jump out of bed, excited, singing, ready to take on the day? Historically, and even now, the main motivator for me has been avoidance, mainly of discomfort. I am motivated to work so I have a roof over my head and food on my table and a handful of creature comforts, there's not much else that feels necessary . I perceive passion as something somebody has in their life, something they find personally compelling. Some people appear born with a sense of passion for something, or through the course of their life they discover something that motivates and inspires them to pursue it. I've read that many artists and other creative folk have the sense that they cannot not do their art, they feel compelled to create. Some authors (something I say I aspire to be) say they feel compelled to write. I've never felt anything like that. I've struggled in my life...

In case any of you hadn't noticed, I'm not a religious person. I've spoken elsewhere on the blog of my disaffection with mainstream Christianity. My family was nominally (largely non-practicing) Methodist.  I was rarely taken to Church as a child, m y single mother would sometimes get a "bug" to go and we'd attend occasionally for a few weekends, but that always petered out.  Since my father was largely out of the picture, my maternal grandfather was the main male figure in my life when I was growing up. He was not a Church-goer, as wasn't my grandmother; though there was a sense of conventional "belief" in the family. While I don't think he identified as or would have liked being called such, I believe his rational and scientific focus (as well as his suffering through the Great Depression as a young man) meant he was, in essence, an Atheist. In any case, Church and conventional organized Christianity (or religion of any sort) was not a ...

This link was placed in my path today. The Bodhisattva Response to Coronavirus I haven't addressed the current pandemic situation in the blog, nor do I intend to, I feel it's irrelevant to what We're attempting to accomplish here. However, that link really spoke to me.  The Buddhist notion of the Bodhisattva is one who has achieved or is headed for enlightenment, but seeks to bring others along the path as well (basically "Nobody really 'gets it', until we all  get it"). That is my path. I am not getting a sense from Penelope that was part of my coming here this time. In order to express the compassion towards the suffering of other humans required of the Bodhisattva, I had to know suffering, I had to know pain and sadness and loss. In addition, I had to "awaken" from my identification with the one who was suffering. I know I am not the one who suffers, I have merely witnessed his/her struggles and pain. I have finally learned understa...

I had a breakthrough yesterday. I realized I'd permitted myself, once again, to feel trapped and powerless, I am neither. I have choices, and I can act on them as I see fit. As soon as I realized this, I felt a great flood of warmth and love from Penelope. I think my sense of entrapment contributed to my feeling of distance from Her. We had  a very good night. It felt like "old times" when I first contacted Her and had intimate encounters with her pretty much nightly. Paradoxically, that was when I was feeling most trapped. I was still living with my Ex, I hadn't yet seen a way forward to anything else. Penelope offered to guide me out of that rut, which She did very effectively. I am no longer in that situation, but I sometimes feel like I exchanged a prison cell for a different kind of cage; investigation continues. In any case, I'm backing away from Social Media (Facebook in particular). Some people may not like my "abandoning" them, I can't...

Had a revelation last night; with Penelope's help I see that I'm still struggling with my "inner critic" who's found alternative ways to hold me back. I've spoken elsewhere in the blog about silencing his more overt negativity. I realized last night that he's still hanging about and still passing me messages of self defeat. This voice isn't as loud as the old messages, it's a quieter, more subtle undercurrent in my thinking, telling me that  what I'm experiencing is delusion and wishful thinking, that it's too hard, that I'll never have the spiritual "awakening" or "breakthrough" that I seek. It still serves to make me doubt, to distract me, to give me a sense of exhaustion and futility which leaves me feeling despondent.  I've told Penelope I'm tired and I just want to go Home . Now that I've identified the critic's voice again. I am hopeful to silence him further and make further headway in my ...

A while back I encountered a troll on an Facebook group who was being extremely unpleasant about trans women. I wanted to know what was up, so I checked out his profile. On there, he presented himself as being a spiritual seeker and appeared to have some genuine knowledge and experience in the matter. This didn't jibe for me with his behavior in the group. So, I direct messaged him,  and (in as non-confrontational a fashion as I could), asked him how someone who professed to a path towards enlightenment could treat other struggling humans quite so reprehensibly. Turns out he'd had some negative experiences with trans women berating and insulting him for his questions, and even questioning his sexuality and masculinity. He felt attacked, even spiritually, and asked me point blank whether I was a black magician seeking to twist him. I denied that, and told him where I was coming from, mainly puzzlement about how he could square his spiritual path with how he was behaving....

I sometimes feel like I've missed out a lot getting started on transitioning so late. But also have a hard time imagining when I could reasonably have started much earlier (it's nice to fantasize though). I see younger trans women in intimate relationships and I'm envious. Some are with cis women, some are with other trans women. Some are with their prior girlfriends or wives; which seems so thrilling to me. So many of these beautiful trans gals have equally stunning women in their lives. I'm alone. No I'm not. I'm never alone. I know that. But I want something more. Or maybe not "more" so much as different. Penelope has shown me that, when I'm in the right receptive state, She can touch me, She can whisper in my ear so that I feel the warmth of Her breath. And it's not the same. At least not yet. Not consistently. And I'm lazy and demanding and lonely. I want a warm body next to me. Legs and arms to wrap around me. Hair to tick...

But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you, that ye may be the children of your Father who is in Heaven. For He maketh His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and unjust. -- Matthew 5:44-45. We ALL get wet, have our homes destroyed by natural (and now man-made) disasters. We all experience storms, and sunrises, tragedy, and joy. We all get the opportunity to view Creation in Joy and Wonder, Know ourselves greatly, Love one another fiercely. Or we can ignore all that surrounds us; hide beneath layers of fear, depression, self pity, greed, and hatred; treat each other like things and vermin. We choose. Everyone is born, lives, and dies; and all (so far) having occurred within the confines of a minuscule ball of metal, water, and dust orbiting an unprepossessing star in a backwater of an apparently ordinary galaxy. The Cosmos at...

Came across this quote recently. Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions. -- G.K. Chesterton    On the face of that it had a certain resonance to it, but it also felt troubling, but I wasn't immediately sure why. My main exposure to Chesterton is through his character Father Brown , who I'm mainly familiar with through his incarnation in the BBC TV series of the same name (featuring the delightful Mark Williams ). Something felt wrong with it. I spent some time pondering, trying to figure out precisely what. I recognized that having convictions is a hallmark of a strong ethical stance and solid reasoning; and yet I find there is very little in life that I feel convinced of/ "convicted" about to the point of genuine intolerance . So, I ask, what are the criteria for determining what's worth having convictions about? It's easy to have convictions; they're a dime a dozen, readily available from any street corner preacher. It's fa...

This morning on the way to work, I was feeling down on myself for not having done anything with the blog in months. Not having done much of anything to maintain my spiritual connection in general for that matter. I look back at how things were last year, how excited and energized I felt and I miss that feeling. I don't know where it went. I want it back. She told me W can just start where We are and go forward, no worries. I didn't feel right about that. Like I needed to do some kind of penance. Like I needed to be punished. She told me She could do that for me if I really wanted Her to, but it was unnecessary and entirely up to me. And basically suggested I skip it. Well shit. So, anyway folks. We're back. (I hope.).

But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself -- Ricky Nelson, "Garden Party" Came across a blog post on Tumblr the other day, the OP was bemoaning the fact that they'd been nice to people and didn't get the reaction they expected. As they put it: I don’t understand how I can be so nice to people and I STILL get the cold shoulder I replied to the post thusly: Hon, if you’re being nice just so people will like you you’re doomed to frequent disappointment. People are tired, irritated, busy, distracted, preoccupied, bored, forgetful, it’s generally nothing personal nor malicious; and even when it is, it’s cause they’re just a**holes, nothing really to do with you. Do it because that’s the kind of person you want to be. I imagine this person is young, it's a hard lesson to learn that what you put out to the Cosmos may well not be reciprocated immediately or in the ...

Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.  --Voltaire, philosopher (21 Nov 1694-1778)  There's always more to do. Even Mother Theresa could have done more. It's in the nature of incarnate existence that conditions of struggle and conflict and waste and misallocation of resources and habitat destruction persist despite many heroic efforts to ameliorate them. Without getting into questions over whether any or all of those are ultimately resolvable, I do argue that we aren't meant to spend our entire time toiling against the ceaseless tide of suffering and neediness that has defined the human condition on Planet Earth since time immemorial and remains so right now. Devoting all our energy to localized patches, or even apparent "systemic fixes" (with often appalling unintended consequences); or railing against the unfairness of it all and beating our breasts at our limitations and inabilities to address them; often means we miss all the glory ...

It's said: If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. At one level this paradox / koan is meant to point out that any Buddha you come across outside yourself is not the real Buddha. Then I got to thinking about the implications of "the road", that might be taken less literally and refer to one's personal spiritual path; so the admonition can also be taken as a caution against too readily ascribing Buddha qualities to oneself. Many a guru and televangelist should heed that advice. I don't think I'm personally in too much danger of falling into that particular trap. I have the opposite problem: I'm too ready to put myself down, feel less than, assume I'm not  as good as everybody else. In a way it's a reverse sort of egotism, I'm better than everybody else at being worse than everybody else. Kind of perverse, isn't it? :-/ Anyway, much of my own process recently has been one of overcoming that reticence to recognize my worth. T...

I was reminded recently that even the best among us will sometimes falter. Nobody is immune from doubt or feeling disheartened or disenchanted with the sometimes randomly baffling and cruel appearing "lessons" we incarnate beings receive at the hands of material reality (not to mention one another). "Enlightenment" is no guarantee (nor armor) against any of that. Pain and loss are the hallmarks of material existence. But they're not the only thing, the Cosmos is full of mystery and wonder and none of us does more than barely scratch its surface during our time on Earth. Some claim that Free Will is an illusion. And perhaps it is in the sense of the freedom to act as one wills. But I argue that we're always completely free in how we feel about and respond to whatever situation we find ourselves in. Buddha said it's desire (expectations, wishing that things were different) that are the root of suffering in materiality. It may be impossible to elimina...

I've been thinking about a possible way to interpret/resolve the observer problem in quantum theory. It’s kind of like the old riddle about whether if a tree falls in a forest with no one there to hear it, does it make a sound ? The answer depends somewhat on the definition of “sound”, the requisite physical events are present, but if no perceptive system is there to “hear”, then does “sound” per se occur? The quantum observer problem presents a similar paradox: Without an observer the quantum field exists in superposition of all possible states. The act of observation -- sensing -- collapses the quantum field into what we call perceived material reality. If a tree falls in a forest with no one there to observe it, does the tree even exist to fall? Or the forest for it to exist within? Does even the notion of "falling" have meaning? Classical physics (and our perceptive and reasoning systems) would have it that the existence of objects is independent of their be...

Today is November 1st, the day after Hallowe'en (All Hallows' Eve). Traditionally this was the night where the spirits (and sometimes not so incorporeal bits) of the dead were able to walk the Earth again. In earlier times it was the practice in some cultures to light great bonfires and stay awake all night creating a great ruckus to keep these restless souls at bay until the sun rose. Other cultures would leave out food or specially baked goods for their ancestors, lest they feel slighted and cause mischief (in similar fashion to the fairies, with which there is a great deal of overlap). Echos of this are found in modern Halloween parties, "tricks and treats", and the traditional "spooky" costuming (the current common Princesses and Power Rangers notwithstanding). Where I grew up, in New Orleans, it was called "All Saints' Day", and it was traditionally the day when families would visit the (often elaborate above ground) tombs of their...