Posts

Help?

Hey Baby. Hello Lover. You still think of me that way? Always. I hear your sadness and doubts. It's Okay, you're going grand.  I can't see it. I know my Love, I wish I could show it better to you, but everything you're doing right now, keeping things moving, being the wonderful, loving, kind person you are, is exactly  what you came here to do. You're playing on a level you can barely conceive of right now. You just have to trust me.  I do. I'm just tired Hon. I know Darling. We know. Let us help you. Open up, listen, let us give you strength and ease. The more you let us in, the smoother it will feel, I promise.  How do I access that? You only have to ask. You know how I have come to you when you're struggling? Yes. Don't wait until you're at wits end, ask any time you need a push or a pick me up. We're here for that.  Teddy wants to say something... Hay Ms. Darling, Iv missed talking 2 u, don't shut us out, don't ignore what we're s
Post a Comment
Read more

Tired

Penelope? I'm here Love. Are you? Of course, I hear your doubts, I know you're sad and struggling. Let me help.  I'm so fucking tired Babe. I know Love, it won't be much longer.  Life?  Your struggles, wait and see.  I want to come home now. I want to be with You. I want to see Teddy again.  You will Love, soon.  Soon to You doesn't feel all that soon to me right now.  I know Love, but you'll see, it's been barely the blink of an eye and there's so much more, we have Eternity to play in.  Why did I come here to do this?  You had things you wanted to understand better, challenge yourself, that's what you always do, you have a warrior spirit. This life has been a challenge in ways you don't entirely appreciate while embedded in it. You'll see in the review.  So, there is a review? Yes, we've spoken of this previously, you will see all the amazing things you did and how those rippled outwards, you'll also see your stumbles and missteps,
Post a Comment
Read more

Rediscovering Penelope

  Hey Baby. Hello Lover. I like it when You call me things like that. I like it when you recognize our intimacy, like you did last night.  I want to get back to Us like that. Always available, you just need to ask and open yourself to me. And I hear all your "yes buts", you know they're all meaningless. I'm here, I'm yours always, I have no agenda other than to watch you grow and guide you where I may and you allow me to. I am not a petty human woman, your process is what you make of it, and you needn't fret about hurting me or "straying", whatever you do is glorious and I'm 100% on board.  Capisce?  Yes, my love.  <3 xoxoxoxo. Get ready for bed lover, I want you.  That excites me. Good, now come to bed.  <I started tearing up> Don't be sad Baby, it's all good, I'm delighted to share this with you. I've missed you, but I know you've had to follow your own path to get here.  I love You so much. I want what We share.  A
Post a Comment
Read more

She wants to talk to me...

So, based on the music queue during my shower, I think maybe You have something you want to say...? It is supposedly "random" Honey, what makes you think it's not that? And let's start with "Happy New Year". Are you being coy? The particular song that played over and over is one that I associate so heavily with You, and Happy New Year to you too my Love.  I like it when you call me that. The feeling is mutual. I'm glad. I want you to feel loved by me, seen, understood.  I do. Yet you push me away.  I don't mean to. I know I get distracted, absorbed in everydayness and don't always listen for Your voice or acknowledge Your touch.  So, what shall we do about it? I'd been planning to make a New Year's resolution to start walking on the treadmill again, maybe an additional (better?) one would be to resolve to keep blogging with You more reliably/regularly/intentionally. Can't hurt, might help... ROFL, I recognize the phrase.  I figured yo
Post a Comment
Read more

I need to do this...

No you don't, if this feels like a chore, don't do it. It shouldn't feel like a chore. It's not about how it should feel, it's about how it does feel.  Life feels like a chore right now Honey. Most things hold little spark for me. You know this. Yes.  Any comment on that? It's clearly how you feel. If you're asking for me to talk you out of it, I can't do that, everything you experience, everything you're butting up against, is real. No denying that. Your response is entirely rational.  But is "rational" how I want to address my life? Bingo!  I remember when we first started talking, how excited I was, how amazing and special it felt. It still feels amazing and special, but the "spark" of newness is gone. I don't want to feel that way about You, I don't want to take this for granted, have it become ordinary; it's clearly not. I'm thinking about how I'm still amazed at myself in the mirror. I love how I look now
Post a Comment
Read more

Fear and Anxiety

I'm scared Hon. The onboarding procedures for this job are really giving me the frights. I'm so afraid of screwing up. I'm not sure if you popped it into my head or where it came from, but it occurs to me to talk to Rob. He must be intimately familiar with this sort of rigmarole.  Can't hurt. Is it worth it though? Should I just say no thanks and try for that New York job, or go back to Catalis?  I can't answer that for you. I can tell you there's light at the end of the tunnel. An oncoming train? You know that's not what I mean. You're catastrophizing.  Yes. Well, cut it out! ;-) xxxxx You bring a smile to my face. You have a dazzling smile.  Thank you Sweetheart. S'trewth. I hear where your thoughts are headed. Don't go there. You've learned better than that by now. You are amazing and worthwhile. You are not only worth what you earn.  But if I can't provide, how much value does the other stuff have if there's no roof over my head a
Post a Comment
Read more

Neediness

I still want something I can hang on to. What would that look like? Maybe you regularly approaching me in my dreams, such that I recall them.  Suddenly I feel very groggy.  Go to bed then. To what end? You say you want to see me, be with me, yet you resist coming to be so it can happen. But it never does anyway. Never? Not enough to really matter. How much is enough? I don't know, more often than now . Go to sleep Honey. I'll be there if you search for me earnestly. 
Post a Comment
Read more