A lot of the personality dynamics I struggle with are founded on thinking of myself as a disappointment and a bother.
I think many of my self defeating behaviors arise from the impulse to disappoint myself before anyone else can feel disappointed in me. That eases the sting.
If I do a slipshod job, I know how things got the way they did and don't have to wonder why everyone is disappointed.
This perversely dovetails with the sense of perfectionism: I know I can't ever really get things right, so why struggle to even try?
I've seen myself as a bother, an annoyance, an inconvenience, a burden. Not at all somebody anyone would go out of their way for.
This feels deep and old. I think I'll be working on this for a while.
Anything to say on the topic, Sweetheart?
I thought you'd never ask. You've been blocking my feedback f…