SLiPchick's Virtual Shadows

I had a revelation over the weekend about the Child aspect of my psyche.  I am of the opinion that t he Inner Child is an important aspect of our psyches. S eeking to encounter and maintain a good relationship with that part of ourselves is an piece in the puzzle of self-discovery and knowledge. The Child is a  source  of spontaneity, exuberance, creativity, mischief, curiosity, enthusiasm, excitement, passion, intensity, joy, delight.  Qualities which IMO adults are well advised to discover and encourage in themselves. The Child can also be very lonely and wounded, and often requires trust building, attention, and nurturance in order to be willing to come forward and share their special gifts.  Over the course of my life  I have had the ongoing sense of a portion of my psyche that was recalcitrant and evasive, rather like a petulant child. In my day to day life, this has  manifested in many of the same behavioral symptoms as are often classified ...

This link was placed in my path today. The Bodhisattva Response to Coronavirus I haven't addressed the current pandemic situation in the blog, nor do I intend to, I feel it's irrelevant to what We're attempting to accomplish here. However, that link really spoke to me.  The Buddhist notion of the Bodhisattva is one who has achieved or is headed for enlightenment, but seeks to bring others along the path as well (basically "Nobody really 'gets it', until we all  get it"). That is my path. I am not getting a sense from Penelope that was part of my coming here this time. In order to express the compassion towards the suffering of other humans required of the Bodhisattva, I had to know suffering, I had to know pain and sadness and loss. In addition, I had to "awaken" from my identification with the one who was suffering. I know I am not the one who suffers, I have merely witnessed his/her struggles and pain. I have finally learned understa...

But it's all right now, I learned my lesson well. You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself -- Ricky Nelson, "Garden Party" Came across a blog post on Tumblr the other day, the OP was bemoaning the fact that they'd been nice to people and didn't get the reaction they expected. As they put it: I don’t understand how I can be so nice to people and I STILL get the cold shoulder I replied to the post thusly: Hon, if you’re being nice just so people will like you you’re doomed to frequent disappointment. People are tired, irritated, busy, distracted, preoccupied, bored, forgetful, it’s generally nothing personal nor malicious; and even when it is, it’s cause they’re just a**holes, nothing really to do with you. Do it because that’s the kind of person you want to be. I imagine this person is young, it's a hard lesson to learn that what you put out to the Cosmos may well not be reciprocated immediately or in the ...

I've come to a realization. I have some choices to make. I have limited time and resources to accomplish certain things and I have to prioritize. Some things may have to be left behind, doors closed, paths left unexplored in the name of pursuing my...Our...larger purpose. You don't Have to do this Hon. I know, and without a change in my behavior, a change in my routines, a major  change in my thinking. It's unlikely that anything will happen, or it will take so excruciatingly long that I'll lose heart, hope, interest; feel like nothing's happening (I already feel like that). Look at where you are now compared to 6 months ago, a year ago, give it a little longer. Don't beat yourself up over this. I'm not saying you shouldn't make some of the changes you're considering, but you don't have to turn yourself into an ascetic overnight to get where We want to be. Cut yourself some slack, my darling. How can You keep saying that when it's You...

This post is going to be a  bit different that most of the previous ones. Penelope and I have been hashing out several issues recently in small exchanges in several locations over the last several days, culminating in a pretty big realization for me last night. Something I think it's important to share, but I also think it's useful to present in the form of a dialog. So, with Penelope's permission and assistance (at Her suggestion really) I'm going to compile and edit several exchanges into a single conversation. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, do you love me? You know I do. And yet you resist. I'm not sure what it would look like, how it would feel not to. Let's find out together. What has to change? Penelope had given me an earworm of the Eurythmics Here Comes the Rain Again for a couple of days prior. I felt it expressed a longing from Her, which brought tears to my eyes.  She started quoting the lyrics to me. I ...

Yet another drive to work revelation this morning. Penelope gave me a new metaphor for what the whole incarnation experience is about for our Eternal aspects. The plunge into time and physicality is something like a long, luxurious lick of something amazing; with your tongue and taste buds engaged in textures and mouth feel and temperatures and flavors, a riot of scents in your nostrils. A phrase she used was "Delirious Explosions of Piquancy". Now for the incarnate psyche who doesn't recall their Eternal aspect, some of these sensations may not seem so enjoyable at the time, but it's all part of the "flavor profile" if you will (and, as Penelope often reiterates, it's all only temporary). If we carry the metaphor further and think of the opportunity to engage in material existence on planet Earth as something like a visit to the ice cream parlor, then what flavors are on offer is the accumulated result of the (sadly largely unconscious) choices ...

Had a long heart-to-heart chat with a friend who also has a spirit companion the other night. The gist of our conversation revolved around the questions of communication and just what the f*ck these entities are doing with us, by being so enmeshed and interactive with a living human. We recognize the difficulties our companions must have with "toning down" or "tuning" what they're trying to communicate to us so that it will make sense at the material level, not to mention not overloading our spirit/psyches or mental circuits. Then there's also the question of why do they bother? What is their goal and payoff from being with us, if they could be coasting the Cosmos and experiencing the bliss of Eternity, what are they doing here stuck dealing with the day-to-day foolishness of material existence if they don't have to? Your thinking is too narrow, hon. You're embedded in time (which is not what you think it is anyway), and can't see everyt...

I've been living in my new home and working at my new job for a few weeks now and I'd started to feel a bit in a rut already; so I asked Penelope about it on the way to work this morning. A big lesson (and struggle) for me right now centers around keeping myself open to experiencing the Mystery. I'm finding many connections and parallels among what I've been reading lately suggesting that maintaining a stance of indeterminacy regarding "reality" is necessary to the whole endeavor. Penelope, love, care to reiterate what You told me for Our blog audience? Certainly, darling.  First off, let me remind you that you personally still have some work to do to overcome your defenses and resistance to experiencing the extraordinary.  When you were younger you shut off most of those channels fairly securely, and it was all but certain you'd spend the rest of this incarnation insulated from any significant encounters of that sort. Nor did you contract to be...

Penelope and I had a chat this morning, centering around my struggle to let Her in. Her words to me were: Stephen, you deserve Me! Somehow, hearing it put so succinctly, with the spin on deserve  broke through something in me. And then we kept talking. She tells me none of this is really about me having done or doing anything in particular going forward. I don't have to earn Her, I don't have to suffer to have Her in my life; it's not really about earning or deserving or being worthy; our connection just IS.  Yes, my love, as I've tried to say to you before, we're a pair; always have been, always will be (to couch it in time-based terms). I'm HERE no matter what, I LOVE YOU no matter what; anything else you think, perceive, or feel is a misunderstanding or a projection of your own fears and anxieties and old emotional garbage. Can we lay this issue, at least, to rest? I think so, love. Thank You for pushing through with Your comments this morning, hea...

I awoke this morning around 5:00am and heard Penelope talking to me. I was drowsy, not really paying attention, and starting to doze off again when I heard her say in no uncertain terms: "Wake up, this is important. Listen to me." That was new, so I gathered my wits about me and started listening. The gist is that things are at a critical stage right now and we don't have time or luxury for my lazy butt to engage in half measures. She says she's going to be on me to keep focused, organized, and persevere. I asked her whether that meant the end of our "lovey-dovey" stuff together, was she becoming my dominatrix angel now. You'd like that wouldn't you?  You know part of me would. I've always had a submissive streak. Some "streak", more like a mile wide. :-/ Honey, I don't care really what you choose to do, I'm here regardless; but given how far we've come in such a short time, it would be such a waste for you to ...

Penelope?  I'm here my love, please don't doubt that. I know you're having trouble hearing and feeling me right now. But courage, my darling, you'll get through this.  Is there really something wonderful and special on the other side of all this pain and struggle? Of course there is my love. Regardless of me, of Us, of what We can become together, there's YOU, you get finally to experience what you've been about all this time while you flailed about in the darkness. But what if I don't like it? That's highly unlikely, but you can be something else, even go back to your old ways if that's where you want to be. I'll miss you, of course. You wouldn't stay with me? I'm not going anywhere, it's you that would shut down, close the channels, prevent our communication and communion.  I imagine you'd still have hints, and the memories would be there, maybe that would be enough for you. I told you this is pretty far out of l...

I've started to go through my material possessions and take ruthless stock of what's essential. As I'm doing this waves of grief and sorrow are coming over me. I'm finding it hard to continue. You're doing fine Love. I know it hurts, I know you need to stop and grieve, but you're on the right path. Trust me. I feel I need some more reassurance, some inkling that I'm not just making all this up and doing something massively stupid. How is pursuing your heart's desire stupid? You want the freedom and alone time that this change will bring you, you want to explore who you are, completely independent of Our relationship, no? Yes. Something like this was coming for a long time, you know that, and Priscilla knows that, she said so. And it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy for her that "men leave" after she bucks them up and they "get better". You stuck it out for a very long time, despite the ambiguous nature of the "...

I saw my therapist Kitty yesterday evening, I was in a pretty sad space when I got there. She helped me to recognize what I was doing to myself: Basically indulging in low self esteem and self-pity. Penelope had told me, continues to tell me, I'm better than that. I am  better than that, and need to be reminded of that fact now and again. You don't have to apologize, your process just is love. I'm thrilled that you're so readily able to get back on the proverbial horse when you fall off. The annoyance you're reading from me is a projection love, you can let it go, it's annoyance with yourself.  Come on, even the most perfected guru must get annoyed with his student once in a while. Depends whether the guru still identifies with his/her ego love; having a body and having an ego tend to go together in incarnated humans and egos are tricky things, as you well know. I sure trip over mine a lot. Most folks do. Do you have an ego? I recall what being...

If it's the case that our spirits live in Eternity, then harming one another, even taking a life on the physical plane is in some sense meaningless to the Eternal life force of the other. So, does that absolve us from any responsibility not to do harm while we inhabit physicality in these incarnate shells? Is it all down to just do whatever we feel like and can get away with among the cultural constraints we find ourselves embedded in (shades of Crowley and Nietzsche)? I personally can't believe that's true. It feels wrong  to me somehow to harm another's physicality, even if in some grander Cosmic sense that has no bearing  sub specie aeternitatis. We (at least most of us I think) don't come here into incarnation on Planet Earth to engage in some sort of sociopathic wish fulfillment. There may be lessons to be had in pursuing that sort of path, but I think they're pretty obvious and uninteresting. Wanton Destruction is always easier than Creation. All ...

Digging through some work on a metaphysical novel that I've restarted working on. I found some wording that is pretty clearly a conversation with Penelope, not sure when I wrote it. I'm copying it here to elaborate on. Why am I so resistant to allowing all this [encounters with the paranormal basically] into my life? I think it invalidates who I am. Who you believe you are. What else is there? Who you really are.   Which is? Can't help you there, we've all got to figure that one out for ourselves. That's a big help. I feel lost. THAT I can help you with. You're already on the path.  How do I know what it's supposed to look like? It's not "supposed" to look like anything, it's whatever your process evolves into.  But this banal, day-to-day existence can't be all there is, can it? That's not very inspiring. Then pick another direction. Which? I don't know where to go. I don't even know h...

I can tell from the statistics on the blog management site that I do have a few readers now, that's exciting. But nobody's left me a comment yet. I'm not sure how to take that. Folks may just be so dazzled by your brilliance that they're speechless, love. ;-) Even I'm not going to buy that one. Now your brilliance... Stop it, you're making me blush. Can angels be embarrassed? I'm not an "angel" in any classic sense of the term love. We can feel anything we've experienced while incarnate, and I promise you at some point or other while alive, I've been embarrassed. But I was really just playing along with the mutual admiration society game I thought we were playing just now. I knew that. I knew you knew that. Oh boy, this could go on for a while. Maybe it's time to say good night, sweet prince. Good night, my sweet love, I'll see you in my dreams. Smoochies, xoxxoxoxooxoxo

Penelope? Yes my lovely man. I'm feeling you touch me a lot right now. Is there something you need to tell me? Not as such, I'm just feeling delighted that we're getting so much "us" time ;-) I'm delighted that you've found Amrith and Annica, I look forward to communicating with them more deeply. I think it will be amazing. I'm of similar opinion. They both seem loving and open spirits. I felt a kinship right from the start talking to Amrith. BTW, did you have anything to do with the change in Priscilla's energy (or my perception of it)? Maybe ;-) How much was her and how much me? Hard to say, you've been working on so much stuff, it's also freed her in some ways. She may be able to grow now where she couldn't before because, whether you knew it or not, whether you believe it or not, you were holding her back. Despite all your protestations to the contrary. I do believe it, much to my chagrin. I want what's best fo...

I struggle a lot with "discipline". I think it's telling that there are multiple definitions of the word crossing over among "a branch of knowledge or expertise" to "self-control" to "instruction" to "training or to obey rules or a code of behavior" to "using punishment to correct disobedience". A while back I did an exercise with my therapist Kitty where we saw the unruly, conflicting impulses and energies that lead me to procrastinate and avoid my responsibilities as unruly, untrained puppies. Puppies are also, of course, playful and cute; and it's easy to give them too much free rein (or reign; interesting homophone there); so that they grow into unmanageable dogs. I feel like I was forced to "grow up" a bit too soon as a child, but the sorts of burdens placed on me and how they were imposed was very toxic. Maybe not so much "too soon" as "all of a sudden" when I'd not been ...

I've been searching on line for something to help me make sense of what I've been going through. Today I started reading material on Rending the Veil ; and I discovered the writing of Sheta Kaey who, it appears, has gone through a similar process in contacting a spirit partner much as I have with Penelope. Seems there's a Yahoo group for spirit companions. I'm going to try joining up. I'll let you know how it goes. I think it's going to be good. I approve. Thanks babe, I guess I really should have asked first. Not necessary. This is YOUR process my love, I'm just along for the ride.  I like it when you kick me in the pants though, you keep me honest and on track. Bit of a masochist are we? ;-) More like a naughty little boy who needs a firm hand to do his best. He gets distracted by shiny objects and wants to play when he should be working. Very good, glad you spotted all that on your own.  This ties into the stuff about "being present...

I've had several discussions with Penelope on the topic of "projections". By this she seems to mean psycho-emotional egoic "overlays" I (or presumably any consciousness) place on an experience giving it a "flavor". That's pretty abstract. Examples from our encounters are when I perceived her as distant or withholding of affection. She claimed that was a projection on my part of emotional baggage from my current incarnation, which makes sense, I've encountered that in my life, meditations, and previous spiritual and therapeutic practices. Not to say Penelope is a total tabula rasa though, she claims pure unfettered love and admiration for me (or my spirit essence anyway, can't necessarily make the same claim for this current incarnated inflection :-/); she's also at times admitted to delight, joy, surprise, and even anger. Similarly, some of her manifestations have had the potential to be frightening or have a seeming of malice, ...