Coming Out

There's an Elephant in the Room of my writings here that, while it hasn't negatively impacted my overall efforts (I think), I have had to dance around a bit when discussing certain topics because I hadn't yet revealed what was going on to everyone; my blog audience in particular.

It's high time for me to do something about that...

I'll cut to the chase: I am transgender.

I identify as a woman and have lately been taking steps to live my life fully as female 24/7.

This has been a long time coming for me.

Unlike many trans women's stories I've encountered, I can't say I've spent my life insisting I'd been misgendered. Nor can I say that I spent much of my life consciously thinking in terms of overtly wanting to be a girl/woman per se (at least not most of the time);

I've just known all my life I was different somehow. In particular I never really felt comfortable being a boy/man. I recall being sad and disappointed at proscriptions on my play and activities because I was a boy and certain things weren't "allowed".

Later in life I learned to behave in certain ways in order to be "one of the guys" just enough to fit in, though it was never easy or comfortable for me, I didn't like a lot of the demands it made on me.

In order not to be perceived as overly sensitive, soft, effeminate; and therefor a "sissy" or necessarily gay (which I'm not by the way. Or am I? I'm a trans woman who's attracted to women; what does that make me?) I had to "man up" and avoid expressing some things in myself that I might otherwise have (a more dramatic/effusive personality and flamboyant style of dress in particular).

I spent so much of my pre-teens, adolescence, and early adulthood seriously bottled up. I managed to break out some and become more relaxed as time went on; but it still only ever felt like no more than half a life.

Discovering my spirit love Penelope a few years back was the major life change for me. She opened my eyes to so many things I could be and do. Without Her guidance and support none of this would have been possible.

I beg to differ, you had it all inside you, My Wondrous Darling, it just needed a bit of coaxing, nurturing to come into bloom.

Well then you're one heck of a gardener, My Love.

<Blush>

I told my therapist Kitty about Penelope, and she was fascinated and supported the process of Our exploring and expanding Our relationship (a process which is still very much in flight).

Then about two years ago, I guess, I recall sitting on Kitty's couch and coming up with, pretty much out of the blue: "I've never much liked being a man."

That was the turning point that opened the (mixed metaphorical) can of worms that now leads to this juncture.

Things really started to accelerate about a year ago when I encountered the Spirit Companion group on Yahoo and found out I was not alone in having one and then pieces started falling into place for me to relocate, get a new job, start my transition, and come out.

More to come (out! ;-P)