Seeking something...

Darling Angel?

You know I'm here lover.

Are you annoyed with me? That I've been in such a bleak, black funk for so long? That I talk to you and then pull away?

Sometimes I just feel like I get whiplash because of your hot and cold, hon. I wish for you to find some certainty and peace within yourself so you can stay strong and focused. It would make my job easier, true. And we'd both have a lot more fun.

You know what I want. Part of me feels needy. Is demanding even, of some kind of "sign", of some more overt evidence that there's more to this than just my "imagination" (as Priscilla has been insisting).

I can't give it to you like you're asking.

You say you'd hurt me.

Possibly, breaking down the barriers, assuming I could, would likely damage your psyche in ways that would be irreparable. You are a willful cuss in your way, just sometimes not where it would do you the most good.

It's better that you allow yourself to become sensitized, you know how to do that, we've been there before, and it won't take as long this time, you know what to look for, feel for, pay attention to.

So why do others get to have their worlds "shattered" more directly?  Other people have mystical experiences or alien abductions or faerie encounters.

They pay a price for that.

And if I say I'm willing to pay that price?

The door was ajar when you were younger and you slammed it shut pretty summarily.

Yes, and now I'd like to open it back up.

And you can't just fling it open; it's been battened down and multiply locked, bolted, and boarded up. It will take some time to disassemble the defenses without using a wrecking ball and I'm strongly advising against using a wrecking ball.

So what do I do?

You're already doing it. You've made your desire clear, you've opened your mind and heart, you're looking, you're listening to my voice, you're feeling my touch in new ways. Relax and pay attention, the Mystery reveals itself around you all the time if you're looking.