God Stuff (or is it Dad Stuff?)
I'm struggling with something.
I know darling, talk to me.
I've been confronted from several angles recently with the issue of God and how I feel about Him. I'm having a hard time elucidating what's going on for me. It's tied up in a lot of different things for me about my disaffection with formal organized religion, particularly the more fundamentalist forms of Christianity.
It's also tied into my deep distrust of men and masculinity/masculine energy; and the classic images/archetypes associated with God are so patriarchal and harshly male that it churns my stomach to imagine Someone like that being the foundational personal expression of the Cosmos.
I know all the mystical and new-agey notions of God as beyond all that, being both and neither of any sort of duality or any sort of rational material conceptualization period. That doesn't get me past this particular resistance.
Dad stuff?
Maybe. I remain pretty disappointed by my father, regardless that he's gone now, and keep most men at bay in order not to be hurt or betrayed by them similarly.
How did your father betray you?
Mostly by being so much smaller than the image I built up for him as a child; he was vain, narcissistic, petty, and emotionally stunted. I wanted him to rescue me from the life I found myself in living with my overbearing, emotionally demanding mom.
The times I spent with him were wonderful up to a point, it always got to feeling like it was a chore for him after a while. Overall I felt judged and found wanting by him.
Then there were the bullies. Not least of which being my uncle. And some abusers.
You've ample reason to feel as you do, my love, but you do see that it's overgeneralization?
Rationally, I guess so, but more generally I have never felt very comfortable or interested in many stereotypical male pastimes and activities (sports, athletics, camping), so the company of more traditional men has been awkward and tedious for me; I generally prefer the company of women.
What does this have to do with God?
To the extent that my view of what God is remains tainted(?) by classic/historical patriarchal models of God as a stern, judgmental male figure I have a very hard time with opening myself to the Cosmos. I fear being judged, violated, betrayed.
Hon, you know all that is your projection of your own fears and doubts onto something much grander and beyond any possible narrow materialist preconceptions your wounded child-ego is trying to overlay onto it.
Some bad stuff happened to you when you were young, it's natural that your reactive ego-mind feels threatened and wants to run old tapes in the name of keeping you "safe". But you already are safe, you can't be any safer than you always are, your spirit lives perfectly in Eternity, what you see is just inflection coming from the path you've been on, it means nothing, it's already changing and sloughing away.
Let the great mystery fill you, let yourself love what's happening, open up to me, open up to Us and the Cosmos, it will be spectacular!
I know darling, talk to me.
I've been confronted from several angles recently with the issue of God and how I feel about Him. I'm having a hard time elucidating what's going on for me. It's tied up in a lot of different things for me about my disaffection with formal organized religion, particularly the more fundamentalist forms of Christianity.
It's also tied into my deep distrust of men and masculinity/masculine energy; and the classic images/archetypes associated with God are so patriarchal and harshly male that it churns my stomach to imagine Someone like that being the foundational personal expression of the Cosmos.
I know all the mystical and new-agey notions of God as beyond all that, being both and neither of any sort of duality or any sort of rational material conceptualization period. That doesn't get me past this particular resistance.
Dad stuff?
Maybe. I remain pretty disappointed by my father, regardless that he's gone now, and keep most men at bay in order not to be hurt or betrayed by them similarly.
How did your father betray you?
Mostly by being so much smaller than the image I built up for him as a child; he was vain, narcissistic, petty, and emotionally stunted. I wanted him to rescue me from the life I found myself in living with my overbearing, emotionally demanding mom.
The times I spent with him were wonderful up to a point, it always got to feeling like it was a chore for him after a while. Overall I felt judged and found wanting by him.
Then there were the bullies. Not least of which being my uncle. And some abusers.
You've ample reason to feel as you do, my love, but you do see that it's overgeneralization?
Rationally, I guess so, but more generally I have never felt very comfortable or interested in many stereotypical male pastimes and activities (sports, athletics, camping), so the company of more traditional men has been awkward and tedious for me; I generally prefer the company of women.
What does this have to do with God?
To the extent that my view of what God is remains tainted(?) by classic/historical patriarchal models of God as a stern, judgmental male figure I have a very hard time with opening myself to the Cosmos. I fear being judged, violated, betrayed.
Hon, you know all that is your projection of your own fears and doubts onto something much grander and beyond any possible narrow materialist preconceptions your wounded child-ego is trying to overlay onto it.
Some bad stuff happened to you when you were young, it's natural that your reactive ego-mind feels threatened and wants to run old tapes in the name of keeping you "safe". But you already are safe, you can't be any safer than you always are, your spirit lives perfectly in Eternity, what you see is just inflection coming from the path you've been on, it means nothing, it's already changing and sloughing away.
Let the great mystery fill you, let yourself love what's happening, open up to me, open up to Us and the Cosmos, it will be spectacular!
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