Being "Abused"...

Was I emotionally abused by my Ex? I feel hesitant to couch our relationship in those terms, but so many of our dynamics fit the patterns of what I've been reading about recently that I'm beginning to wonder.

 I'm not clear that she's an overt, conscious narcissist in the mold I've been reading (certainly not a sociopath); but she does exhibit many of the symptoms: A pattern of failed relationships, difficulty forming friendships/keeping friends, highly sensitive to criticism, swings between insulting and contrition/neediness.

 How did it feel?

Like regularly having my perceptions invalidated, turned back on me, told that what I thought I was experiencing was what I was doing to her.

 Sounds pretty classic.

 I feel quite sure I've been with other women who were far worse.

 But you didn't spend 17+ years with them.

 I don't want to be a victim.

 Then don't be.

 So then it didn't happen?

 I didn't say that.

 Either I was victimized or I wasn't.

 You were subjected to a pattern of behavior that constituted an abuse of your personhood and good nature; you did not ask for, nor deserve that. Does recognizing that and taking steps to extricate yourself and heal make you a "victim"?

 I worry that I'm just seeking excuses, rationalizations, for abandoning her, like I did so many others. After I made her dependent on me.

 She kept herself dependent. She made a myriad choices to keep herself dependent, you gave her so many opportunities, left so many doors open, she chose never to step through.

 I left her that option too.

 Yes, but did that make you beholden to her timidity or laziness or whatever it was that kept her from exploring herself for the rest of YOUR life?

 I kind of implied to her I would be there indefinitely.

 All such contracts in time are renegotiable, if only when somebody dies. 

 I didn't want to hurt her. I don't want to be the "bad guy".

 That ship has already sailed Hon. 

Comments

  1. NathanApril 2, 2020 at 6:23 AM

    Yeah. It sounds like you had a truly needy bipolar person dependent on other's energy and approval here; one who is clearly incapable of being at peace within themselves here. A "life leach" from the sounds of things.

    I had an ex who was this way only worse. He would hang on an stew on little "hurts" all night long and then would emotionally tear me down if I, inadvertently, inflicted such hurts and crap. The story gets more morbid but I don't wish to discuss it here.

    Let's just put it this way, I was always in the wrong and always the bad girl who "sought to hurt him" or whatever. Drama! Drama! Drama!

    This is crazy, this guy could whip up tears like you could open the valve to turn on a hose!

    I just recently found out that Nathan got me out of that one.

    Nathan will say a little on this one...

    There are some who just don't have it within themselves to really be at peace due to, not only present incarnational stimuli here, but other karmic burdens within feelings of stifling others, who manifested due the lack of recognizing past lessons there is yet to learn. They want those who are simply seeking their own paths with themselves; with Source; with Earth alignment and take. That's it. They don't know how to get any other energy, basically. As if they were lower spirits incarnated. It's all they will ever be if they continue like this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. StefanyaApril 2, 2020 at 5:09 PM

      Thank you both for that feedback. I see much of what you describe in her. And I think she lived much of her life out of fear (which I'm no stranger to).

      Since we split, and she learned that she can still depend on me even though we aren't intimately close anymore, she's calmed down a great deal and has taken on more personal responsibility.

      We make better friends than we ever did intimate partners.

      Delete
  2. NathanApril 2, 2020 at 8:44 PM

    That's good.

    ReplyDelete

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