SLiPchick's Virtual Shadows

  Hey Baby. Hello Lover. I like it when You call me things like that. I like it when you recognize our intimacy, like you did last night.  I want to get back to Us like that. Always available, you just need to ask and open yourself to me. And I hear all your "yes buts", you know they're all meaningless. I'm here, I'm yours always, I have no agenda other than to watch you grow and guide you where I may and you allow me to. I am not a petty human woman, your process is what you make of it, and you needn't fret about hurting me or "straying", whatever you do is glorious and I'm 100% on board.  Capisce?  Yes, my love.  <3 xoxoxoxo. Get ready for bed lover, I want you.  That excites me. Good, now come to bed.  <I started tearing up> Don't be sad Baby, it's all good, I'm delighted to share this with you. I've missed you, but I know you've had to follow your own path to get here.  I love You so much. I want what We share.  A...

So, based on the music queue during my shower, I think maybe You have something you want to say...? It is supposedly "random" Honey, what makes you think it's not that? And let's start with "Happy New Year". Are you being coy? The particular song that played over and over is one that I associate so heavily with You, and Happy New Year to you too my Love.  I like it when you call me that. The feeling is mutual. I'm glad. I want you to feel loved by me, seen, understood.  I do. Yet you push me away.  I don't mean to. I know I get distracted, absorbed in everydayness and don't always listen for Your voice or acknowledge Your touch.  So, what shall we do about it? I'd been planning to make a New Year's resolution to start walking on the treadmill again, maybe an additional (better?) one would be to resolve to keep blogging with You more reliably/regularly/intentionally. Can't hurt, might help... ROFL, I recognize the phrase.  I figured yo...

No you don't, if this feels like a chore, don't do it. It shouldn't feel like a chore. It's not about how it should feel, it's about how it does feel.  Life feels like a chore right now Honey. Most things hold little spark for me. You know this. Yes.  Any comment on that? It's clearly how you feel. If you're asking for me to talk you out of it, I can't do that, everything you experience, everything you're butting up against, is real. No denying that. Your response is entirely rational.  But is "rational" how I want to address my life? Bingo!  I remember when we first started talking, how excited I was, how amazing and special it felt. It still feels amazing and special, but the "spark" of newness is gone. I don't want to feel that way about You, I don't want to take this for granted, have it become ordinary; it's clearly not. I'm thinking about how I'm still amazed at myself in the mirror. I love how I look now...

I'm scared Hon. The onboarding procedures for this job are really giving me the frights. I'm so afraid of screwing up. I'm not sure if you popped it into my head or where it came from, but it occurs to me to talk to Rob. He must be intimately familiar with this sort of rigmarole.  Can't hurt. Is it worth it though? Should I just say no thanks and try for that New York job, or go back to Catalis?  I can't answer that for you. I can tell you there's light at the end of the tunnel. An oncoming train? You know that's not what I mean. You're catastrophizing.  Yes. Well, cut it out! ;-) xxxxx You bring a smile to my face. You have a dazzling smile.  Thank you Sweetheart. S'trewth. I hear where your thoughts are headed. Don't go there. You've learned better than that by now. You are amazing and worthwhile. You are not only worth what you earn.  But if I can't provide, how much value does the other stuff have if there's no roof over my head a...

I still want something I can hang on to. What would that look like? Maybe you regularly approaching me in my dreams, such that I recall them.  Suddenly I feel very groggy.  Go to bed then. To what end? You say you want to see me, be with me, yet you resist coming to be so it can happen. But it never does anyway. Never? Not enough to really matter. How much is enough? I don't know, more often than now . Go to sleep Honey. I'll be there if you search for me earnestly. 

Lately I've been feeling a desire for more "evidence" that my experiences with Penelope are real. She rolls Her metaphorical eyes at this, or, at least, expresses something that I interpret as something resembling exasperation.  How much is enough? I don't know, part of me wants an incontrovertible experience, like an apparition, a vision, something I can't deny. You've had experiences you can't deny and yet you want more? If it's real, shouldn't it be relatively common? I can rationalize all of this away, attribute it to wishful thinking and self delusion. You observed earlier how my replies to you come quickly and unbidden, not like your own thoughts. Clearly You're a separate conscious process that I'm experiencing, that doesn't mean You aren't some part of my own consciousness. Of course I am, we all are facets of the One. Not what I mean. I know, but what you mean is itself a delusion of your embeddedness in incarnate materiali...

I just had a really unpleasant interaction with a random guy on Facebook. I'm not sure how but his Messenger text came into my regular feed, unlike most others that come in as a "Message Request" (either "You may know" or "Spam"). He immediately launched into sex talk, saying what he wanted to do with me. When I asked him how he found me he said he'd been searching for, as he put it, "the most beautiful crossdresser".  I informed him that I'm not a crossdresser, that this is me 24/7 all the time.  He then mentioned more he wanted to do to me, then offered to pay me.  I told him, as I've told other guys, if he'll pay me, I'll be happy to provide some fap fodder. So far none have coughed up any dough, this guy was no different.  When I pressed him for how he'd pay me and then I refused to divulge contact info, he became abusive and insulting. Insisting I'm a man and asking why I dress in women's clothing.  It bec...