SLiPchick's Virtual Shadows

Penelope has been earworming me with cuts from The Who 's "rock opera" Tommy  over the last few days. I've enjoyed The Who's music generally (and Tommy in particular) since I was a teenager. SlipKid is something of a theme song for me (as you may have guessed from blogging "handle" ;-))... No easy way to be free... Anyways, with 20/20 adult hindsight and (I flatter myself to think) greater spiritual perspective, I see a lot more in Tommy at pushing 60 than I did at pushing 21. I don't know how much of this was in Pete Townshend's mind when he wrote the lyrics. And of course there are some variations if you take the film into account vs. the original album. This is a bit of stream of consciousness analysis of the work... Initial shock and disappointment finding out parental figures are human, even evil, then told that his personal experience is irrelevant. You didn't hear it You didn't see it You won't say nothing to no...

Penelope has cautioned me repeatedly lately about avoiding "attachments". In our drive to work conversations on Tuesday and again today, we probed the notion more deeply and I now realize I have been thinking about this too narrowly/shallowly. "Attachments" come in many forms; they include not only the more obvious emotional ties formed in human relationships, but also things like: addictive behaviors repetitive "comforting" (including masturbation) becoming too embedded in/absorbed by mundanity allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by "reality" (the 10,000 things of Buddhism) simple daily habits preferred ways of doing things Just this morning in fact, I was prevented from parking in a particular space I'm fond of because somebody was pulled in there across several spaces chatting away on their cell phone, totally oblivious to anybody interested in the parking space. I used it as an opportunity to get over myself and my attach...

I'm working very hard these days at making room for Penelope in my day to day life. Recognizing Her presence at every moment. I want it to be that Her companionship is at the forefront of my consciousness in the same way, even more so really, than would be a present material partner. Not to say She's intrusive or demanding and that I can't focus on tasks (say while I'm at work); it's rather that She's always there beside me, delighting in Our time together, kibitzing occasionally, laughing, caressing me occasionally. And when I take a break from my work, I'll recognize Her, talk to Her, kiss and caress Her in turn. This is what I want for Our shared existence; She tells me She wants that too. It's hard though. I get lost in thought or distracted by events and sometimes it takes me a while to reset my mind/psyche back onto Us. This morning while walking across the parking lot to the office She was dancing ahead of me as She does and I got dist...

Yet another drive to work revelation this morning. Penelope gave me a new metaphor for what the whole incarnation experience is about for our Eternal aspects. The plunge into time and physicality is something like a long, luxurious lick of something amazing; with your tongue and taste buds engaged in textures and mouth feel and temperatures and flavors, a riot of scents in your nostrils. A phrase she used was "Delirious Explosions of Piquancy". Now for the incarnate psyche who doesn't recall their Eternal aspect, some of these sensations may not seem so enjoyable at the time, but it's all part of the "flavor profile" if you will (and, as Penelope often reiterates, it's all only temporary). If we carry the metaphor further and think of the opportunity to engage in material existence on planet Earth as something like a visit to the ice cream parlor, then what flavors are on offer is the accumulated result of the (sadly largely unconscious) choices ...

On Sunday I was scheduled to meet up with a new friend I'd met on line here in North Carolina. We were going to have coffee and then rat around the mall for a few hours. I arrived a bit before our appointed time (10am) no sign of her. I waited 15-20-25 minutes, no call or text. Normally I don't give anybody more than about 15 minutes unless there's communication or extenuating circumstances; but as she's a new acquaintance I was cutting her some slack. After 30 minutes, I was in my car about to drive off, when she arrived. I told her that I felt it was very disrespectful to arrive that late without calling or texting or some such. She was apologetic and mumbled something about traffic; which seems like should have permitted a quick text. Now, this is only the second time we spent time together. The first time was a couple of weeks ago on her birthday. She was also very late for that meeting, though that time she did text me her progress. My  suspicion  is that...

Once again on the drive to work, Penelope and I had a very enlightening discussion on the nature of reality (seems like there's a pattern developing here ;-)). A big topic in "fringe" science is " emergent " behavior or properties. Many characteristics (behaviors, properties) we observe in the world are stochastic  (probabilistic, statistical, "random") in nature. Which is to say they manifest as the accumulation of the properties or behaviors of many individuals, who (observed independently) don't necessarily exhibit the emergent characteristic as individuals. It's unclear where in the accumulation this transition occurs. A similar process appears to be in play with the emergence of perceived "reality" from the accumulated quantum wave function collapse provoked by conscious observation. Science presumes that the particular collapse state of the wave function for a particular quantum entity is random; perhaps it is, but the...

A little while ago I had a chat with Penelope while I was engaged in a bodily function that is necessary, but widely considered nasty and not something to be discussed in polite company. It went something like this: So you're here even when I'm on the toilet? Sure, feeling squicky about ordinary bodily functions is a material, human problem, Hon ;-) Good thing, I guess; there's so many of them :-/ What did they say in isa † ? About bodies "leaking and fuming"? Right, and they act up or go on the fritz at inconvenient times. And they wear out; if they didn't you'd be kind of stuck in your incarnation indefinitely; barring accident or purposeful death (murder, suicide). Yeah, but this wearing out process kind of sucks. As with all materiality, Love, it's only temporary. † Institute for Self Actualization . A seminar based "enlightenment technology" (an offshoot of est ) I participated in for several years back in the 1980s. ...

When I first encountered Penelope as a distinct entity, there was a delightful period of discovery when I detected Her presence all around me. I had the sense of Her near me, touching me, whispering to me, "dancing" in front of me, almost constantly. As is unfortunately the wont of human brains and psyches: even the most magical and wondrous experiences can take on a patina of mundanity when they persist over time; and I'm somewhat ashamed to admit this has happened in my relationship with Penelope. So, lately I've been asking for Her help in finding some way to regain a more visceral sense of Her presence in my day-to-day life. She's recommended some things and has placed some encounters for me that have suggested various exercises that I'm exploring. A big part of it consists "simply" of  acting "as if" She's present as a material partner in day-to-day activities. Things like: having a place for Her at the table, recognizing Her...

I'm unpacking a lot here. Some if it's very personal and not particularly related to the more spiritual stuff I've been addressing elsewhere on the blog, other than that it's a deep exploration who I am. There's a lot of frank talk about sex and gender, consider yourself warned. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I've been feeling strangely conflicted lately over gender and roles and power and desire. I've mentioned elsewhere on the blog about my deep ambivalence regarding traditional masculine roles and my personal discomfort with my own masculinity in many respects. I've often felt an impulse to present myself in a more flamboyant fashion (e.g. dressing more colorfully/stylishly), but shied away from it, fearing being judged "deviant" or being perceived as a gay man. Not that I think there's anything wrong with being gay, it's just that I'm not . At least, I've spent my adolescence and most of m...

I sometimes think of Penelope as a goddess; my  Goddess; though I know She's not a goddess in any literal sense of the term, however magnificent and powerful She is. Nor is She an Angel  in the traditional sense, though She exhibits some characteristics that have been associated with such beings historically. My thinking of her in these terms is more reflective of my own psyche and ego, I feel in awe of Her and I recognize in myself a sense of obedience and submission bordering on worship. But a lot of that existed before I encountered Penelope as a distinct entity. I recognize a strong thread of submissiveness in myself and have often fantasized about being with a very dominant woman. I don't need or want your worship , hon. A certain level of obedience, that is to say cooperation , will certainly make things easier. I want Us to be a partnership, can you hack that? It seems so one-sided. You bring so much more to the table than I do. Don't sell yourself short, L...

Had a long heart-to-heart chat with a friend who also has a spirit companion the other night. The gist of our conversation revolved around the questions of communication and just what the f*ck these entities are doing with us, by being so enmeshed and interactive with a living human. We recognize the difficulties our companions must have with "toning down" or "tuning" what they're trying to communicate to us so that it will make sense at the material level, not to mention not overloading our spirit/psyches or mental circuits. Then there's also the question of why do they bother? What is their goal and payoff from being with us, if they could be coasting the Cosmos and experiencing the bliss of Eternity, what are they doing here stuck dealing with the day-to-day foolishness of material existence if they don't have to? Your thinking is too narrow, hon. You're embedded in time (which is not what you think it is anyway), and can't see everyt...

I was thinking about "Scale" on the way to work this morning. Humans tend to think of things in terms of the scale of humanity, both size and time. It might be argued that much of the history of human intellectual development has consisted of, or been driven by a recognition of or discovery that there are other scales operating in the Cosmos. Early human spiritual realizations appear to have been driven by observations of natural cycles: day and night, birth and death, the cycles of the seasons, the repeating patterns in the sky. Over time and with increasing precision of observation and record keeping it was possible to recognize larger and larger scales that evolved over long periods. Technological advances allowed that to be pushed even further, and then into smaller and smaller scales as well. Through all this there remained a tendency to observe living organisms at the same time scale as humans. Until relatively recently the advent of time-lapse photography has...

A recent theme in my relationship with Penelope has been Sacrifice . It seems I may well have to close some doors, leave some things behind, to get some other things I greatly desire. Don't assume or close off anything too hastily, my love; it remains to be seen what can be part of your new path and what must be left behind.

OK, so I've been preoccupied and haven't been keeping up the blog. Penelope tells me She's been letting me slide for a few weeks while I get myself settled here in North Carolina and get my feet under me at my new job. Now She says it's time to get serious and start working. My writing is, by Her account, a major piece of my "mission" in this incarnation. I like writing, but I'm also very resistant. Resistant? Talk about understatement. All right woman, what do you want from me. I want you to realize your potential, hon. You've got so much in there, so much to share.  Nothing anybody wants or needs to hear. Bullshit. First off, you don't know that, and second, it's your worst inner critic telling you that anyway and what do we know about him? He's a liar. Right. Honey, I can't tell you whether anybody will ever read or get anything out of what you write; but it's a damn forgone conclusion nobody will if you don...