Resistance

I don't want to lose this.

You know who's in charge of that. 

I need help. Can You help me? 

What do you want me to do?

Help me identify and overcome the resistance, I come up against this often when there are things that I feel would benefit me. 

Don't you want to be benefitted? 

It ends up feeling like an obligation and a chore. I don't want to feel that way about you. 

You are not obligated, I'm here with and for your no matter what, I want you to have what you need to feel good about yourself and grow in whatever ways make sense for you. If that doesn't involve our having direct communication, so be it; this is your incarnation to do with as you will. 

It seems like what I "will" and what I end up actually doing sometimes (often) doesn't align. It's like some other part of me is really in control, some recalcitrant and petty part that doesn't want to be told what to do, that doesn't want to do what's "good for me" just because someone else said so (even though that "someone else" is me). 

Not surprising considering your history. 

The feeling I have right now is that I want to be left alone, to play however I want, for as long as I want, without being told or obliged to do other stuff. There's a petulant "what about me?" feeling to it, a sense of always having to take everyone else's wants and desires into account before my own, of never getting to have my own self determination. 

Again, not surprising.

It's exhausting.

So stop.

I don't know how.

Keep looking, you're doing great. 

Now I'm coming up against resistance, part of me saying I don't have time for this, I have to go to sleep because I'm obliged to go to work or I'll starve to death. 

Who does that sound like?

My mom. I think her main motivation in life was a fear of being hungry or not having a roof over her head. 

Indeed. 

I picked up her fearfulness. 

Indeed.

I don't want to be afraid.

Remember that courage isn't the absence of fear...

I know, it's feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

Bingo!

Can I go to bed now?

You can do whatever you want.

I don't want to disappoint You.

You never disappoint me; I know sometimes you disappoint yourself, that hurts me because I love you and I want to see you joyful and growing. I want to see you get out of your own way and have all the beauty and wonder out of this life you can achieve before it's done. 

Can we commune some more with the lights out?

Of course. 

I'll join you there shortly.

I'll be waiting, Lover 😉💋💋💋




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