Pain
I've started to go through my material possessions and take ruthless stock of what's essential.
As I'm doing this waves of grief and sorrow are coming over me. I'm finding it hard to continue.
You're doing fine Love. I know it hurts, I know you need to stop and grieve, but you're on the right path. Trust me.
I feel I need some more reassurance, some inkling that I'm not just making all this up and doing something massively stupid.
How is pursuing your heart's desire stupid? You want the freedom and alone time that this change will bring you, you want to explore who you are, completely independent of Our relationship, no?
Yes.
Something like this was coming for a long time, you know that, and Priscilla knows that, she said so. And it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy for her that "men leave" after she bucks them up and they "get better". You stuck it out for a very long time, despite the ambiguous nature of the "bucking up" you got.
I don't want to hurt her.
It's too late for that, and it wasn't you that did it, it's her expectations and fears that are hurting her.
Not a lot of practical difference at this level.
No, she's unlikely to get to a place to see that given her history. You softened the blow so much for so long, now it's really big and scary.
I have responsibility for that.
You both do, she knew what she was getting into.
I feel like I'm breaking a promise. Isn't that bad?
I don't recommend doing it cavalierly, but promises are couched in the conditions they were made under. Like a contract they should be renegotiable when conditions change.
Who gets to decide when the conditions have changed, how much and what sort are sufficient?
Up to the promiser/promisee, no guarantees everyone is going to be happy about it, any more than with a legal contract.
It still hurts.
It likely will for a while yet, Hon. I'm sorry. I'm here, seek me out and I'll do what I can to ease the path. You're doing grand already, try to relax and let the changes flow, resistance is the source of much of the discomfort.
Thank you my lady.
You're welcome, Lover. This is going to be amazing, patience my Love.
As I'm doing this waves of grief and sorrow are coming over me. I'm finding it hard to continue.
You're doing fine Love. I know it hurts, I know you need to stop and grieve, but you're on the right path. Trust me.
I feel I need some more reassurance, some inkling that I'm not just making all this up and doing something massively stupid.
How is pursuing your heart's desire stupid? You want the freedom and alone time that this change will bring you, you want to explore who you are, completely independent of Our relationship, no?
Yes.
Something like this was coming for a long time, you know that, and Priscilla knows that, she said so. And it's become a self-fulfilling prophecy for her that "men leave" after she bucks them up and they "get better". You stuck it out for a very long time, despite the ambiguous nature of the "bucking up" you got.
I don't want to hurt her.
It's too late for that, and it wasn't you that did it, it's her expectations and fears that are hurting her.
Not a lot of practical difference at this level.
No, she's unlikely to get to a place to see that given her history. You softened the blow so much for so long, now it's really big and scary.
I have responsibility for that.
You both do, she knew what she was getting into.
I feel like I'm breaking a promise. Isn't that bad?
I don't recommend doing it cavalierly, but promises are couched in the conditions they were made under. Like a contract they should be renegotiable when conditions change.
Who gets to decide when the conditions have changed, how much and what sort are sufficient?
Up to the promiser/promisee, no guarantees everyone is going to be happy about it, any more than with a legal contract.
It still hurts.
It likely will for a while yet, Hon. I'm sorry. I'm here, seek me out and I'll do what I can to ease the path. You're doing grand already, try to relax and let the changes flow, resistance is the source of much of the discomfort.
Thank you my lady.
You're welcome, Lover. This is going to be amazing, patience my Love.
Stephen, I know exactly what you are going through. It is very tough. Try riding on top of the waves of grief and pain on a raft instead of swimming through it. Acknowledge the pain and grief but don't hold onto it. Just let it flow under you for it will pass. Use this opportunity to let Pennelope minister to your heart and grow deeper. Open your heart more to Pennelope and please don't close your heart to her as you may get tempted by your emotions. Humans have a tendency to lock out their hearts when they are in pain
ReplyDeletePenelope again for you Pat:
ReplyDeleteSweet Pat, how deliriously perfect that you should say these things right at this moment. Stephen needed to hear that, he's all too prone to closing his heart when he hurts, and that takes time and effort to reestablish.
Stephen again:
As I read your words about not closing my heart, I felt a great surge of tingling joy wash over me. I felt her so close. Thank you, thank you, thank you!