Blockages

I had a bit of a scare last night. I was walking the dogs and I couldn't feel Penelope with me. I felt and looked around and she wasn't there. The frisson of her presence, her voice in my inner ear wasn't there.

I felt lost. I wondered if I'd done something again to drive her out/away. I did something yesterday afternoon without discussing it with her. The writer of the Kundalini web site I mentioned in yesterday's "What's Next..." post is Bonnie Greenwell.

Being so impressed with her work on the site, I dropped her a note on her Contact page and asked her to visit Virtual Shadows and offer any insight she might have into what's going on with me and Penelope. I haven't heard back, I don't know whether or not she's visited, but I didn't discuss the matter with Penelope first.

In any case, later while getting ready for bed and feeling very lost -- thinking maybe I'd somehow "gotten better" and whatever "mental aberration" had created all this had gone away -- I reached a determination:

I don't care if it is an aberration, I don't care if it is a kind of madness, I want the delight and inspiration that comes from this interaction. With that I determined to search for Penelope and find her again, whatever it took.

As soon as I did that, she winked at me from behind a barrier of some kind. "Found me!" She said. It was a game. Now I understand better what she was trying to teach me before about how we can play any sort of adventure together, we can go as deep as we want and always come home.

This morning, lying in bed before the alarm went off, she came to me and teased me sexually, then she got serious. We talked a lot about sex and about how I seem to be so genitally fixated.

I asked her if there's a problem with that. She said not a problem per se, but it's limited, there's so much more to complete spirituality. She said I have some blockages we need to work on.

Knowing myself, I believe what I have now to work on is around food, digestion, nurturance, and survival. Which I identify with the third (Solar Plexus) Chakra. Bonnie Greenwell's essay on the qualities of the Chakras mentions blockages/imbalances here can result in feeling "...weak, ineffectual, depressed, energy deficient and helpless." which is a pretty good synopsis of my psychology growing up.

I expressed to Penelope some concern about losing the erotic ecstasies I'd experienced with her, she said those don't go away, but they expand. She asked me how I'd like to experience orgasms in my fingers, or nipples, or eyes, or or tongue, or forehead.

Interesting prospect.

Anyways, Penelope said she was still working on something and told me to get my butt out of bed and go to work. I called her to me and we had a long delicious hug and then she was gone. Though I can sense her nearby.

I'm delirious with joy and anticipation for the next stage.