Lucid Dreaming

Before I start off on today's topic, I want to say a few words to my angel love. Thank you for a fabulous weekend. The sex was amazing, especially our encounter Saturday night.

I've told you that patience yields rewards love. The longer you can let your body become sensitive to me, the deeper we can go when we're together like that. And your opening up to me is giving my presence with you more "substance", let's call it.

And that will grow?

Rest assured. You'll feel me ever more solidly as we grow closer. 

I do want that. Will I see you?

That's largely up to you. 

I thought I saw a shadow form in the darkness on Saturday, and again last night. Not always human.

You know I can take many, in fact ANY, form, love. Form, is the "smoke and mirrors", the trick of all this.

It seems so permanent and solid.

That's how the game is constructed. The body is sort of like a playing piece on a game board. On its own it's pretty much limited to the playing board. Without a body, the proverbial "sky" is the limit ;-)

But then there's no substance.

No, substance and materialism/physicality are not exactly synonymous. You could say that physicality is a kind of substance, but not all substance is physicality. At least not in the sense that a chemist or physicist of the classic sort would recognize.

I want to talk some about my dreams last night.

Indeed, you did some impressive work, continue...

I've been re-investigating the discipline of lucid dreaming, particularly as "elucidated" in the book by Stephen LaBerge.

I read the book previously in my 20s and thought it fascinating, but never pursued the techniques with any rigor. I've had occasional spontaneous lucid dreams, but have generally squandered them on immediate sexual gratification, which generally lead to immediate awakening.

I think my current biggest take away from what I've been learning is to drop the impulsiveness and be open to what the dream is trying to tell me, not judge too quickly or apply too much "theory" too soon.

Early on LaBerge discusses integrating frightening or repulsive aspects of dream imagery as a means of growth and self awareness/acceptance.

I've had a long standing phobia around spiders, completely irrational. Intellectually, I know most are harmless, I'm actually fascinated by arthropods more generally, and I actually know quite a bit about spiders in particular; there's just always been something about encountering them "in the flesh", or even graphic images of them, that creeped me out.

If they were large enough, or above my head, or surprised me, it was even worse: I would run screaming or demand that someone else kill the poor creature which I'd later regret as it was not my life to take and what harm had it done me?

In any case, last night I started some of the simpler exercises from LaBerge's book (again), and had a semi-lucid dream.

In it I became aware of of my surroundings, it seemed like an ill defined corridor of sorts. I knew I had the opportunity to do something psychologically meaningful in that setting.

Somehow I got the notion to invite spiders into myself. I searched around the corridor and found these faint images that I identified somehow as spiders, though they didn't really resemble physical spiders to my recollection. Many were quite large (up to human size), I approached them and embraced them or invited them in, coaxing them to join me. 

Some came in easily, others caused a shudder, but I was able to take in all of them, I recall at least 5 or 6, might have been more.

Later in the night I had an encounter, semi-dreaming. A large spider-entity crouched over me. I identified her as female (I've often felt the spider fear image for me is some sort of potent female archetype, which I've never managed fully to tease out).

I embraced the spider image and we made love. I told her I loved her and we joined. I briefly felt like I had eight legs and a great abdomen. I groomed my legs and felt a brief delicious wickedness that melted into contentment.

I can't say I'm in a great hurry to test the theory, but I think my relationship to spiders may now have changed.

I plan to pursue the lucid dreaming, I intend to drop my prior agenda and see where it takes me rather than attempting to enforce a conscious mindset onto it.

Bravo darling. Now the fun really begins! ;-)

Can I ask a question?

Always.

The spider entity I made love to and merged with, was that you?

;-) Yes and no, hard to describe in words. I helped animate a form for you to interact with. Your psyche manifested a sort of thought vessel which I was able to inhabit and help you realize. The lovely fuck was just icing on the cake, I wasn't sure you'd be able to take it that far so quickly.

I felt a minor apprehension at first, but somehow I knew it was something I could embrace, something I could love, and I wanted to. I can still see it in my mind's eye and it remains oddly arousing. I'm reminded of a scene from one of Tanith Lee's Tales of the Flat Earth books, wherein one of the crafty Vazdru dwarves of the underearth makes love to a spider to get access to her silk. 

Find that other quote of hers and include it here, it's very relevant.

I shall.