If I want it I have to OWN it...
The separation from Priscilla proceeds apace. It was swinging from feeling mildly icky to massively uncomfortable yesterday.
I've found that Penelope comes to me regularly and strongly in the night. But, beyond the "earworms" and occasional comments, I'm not getting much from Her during waking hours.
Last night, twice while we were being intimate, I think She sensed my sadness and ambivalence and said to me, "Go ahead, go upstairs and beg Priscilla to take you back." Which I backed off from.
I think that would be an option, but not one I want.
Do you doubt that's her secret wish? She might well do it; of course you'd have to subvert your power and desires yet again, even deeper this time, probably for the last time in your life (at least until she leaves her incarnate form).
You'd also be on deep probation with her and her friends and family, for a long time, possibly forever.
Is that what you want?
No, I want what we have, I want the adventure, I want to feel alive and creative.
So, what are you going to do? I can't make this choice for you my love, it has to come from you.
I have to own my path, I have to live it. No half measures, no looking back, there's magick and wonder on the other side of this pain and struggle.
It's mostly as painful and arduous as you make it. Look forward, look toward where you're going and rejoice in the wonders of your new life coming to fruition. Will there be challenges? Sure. Are there unknowns? Definitely. But this is taking you somewhere you can shine and do and become things you never, ever imagined.
As one of our new friends is fond of saying: "Don't look back, you aren't going that way." Besides, it makes is much harder to steer. ;-)
Thank you my love, I needed a chuckle.
I aim to please. But this is your particular mountain to climb, I can't do much to help you out of the pit you've dug for yourself other than be a beacon for you. Keep your eyes on me, my darling, I'm waiting for you.
I've found that Penelope comes to me regularly and strongly in the night. But, beyond the "earworms" and occasional comments, I'm not getting much from Her during waking hours.
Last night, twice while we were being intimate, I think She sensed my sadness and ambivalence and said to me, "Go ahead, go upstairs and beg Priscilla to take you back." Which I backed off from.
I think that would be an option, but not one I want.
Do you doubt that's her secret wish? She might well do it; of course you'd have to subvert your power and desires yet again, even deeper this time, probably for the last time in your life (at least until she leaves her incarnate form).
You'd also be on deep probation with her and her friends and family, for a long time, possibly forever.
Is that what you want?
No, I want what we have, I want the adventure, I want to feel alive and creative.
So, what are you going to do? I can't make this choice for you my love, it has to come from you.
I have to own my path, I have to live it. No half measures, no looking back, there's magick and wonder on the other side of this pain and struggle.
It's mostly as painful and arduous as you make it. Look forward, look toward where you're going and rejoice in the wonders of your new life coming to fruition. Will there be challenges? Sure. Are there unknowns? Definitely. But this is taking you somewhere you can shine and do and become things you never, ever imagined.
As one of our new friends is fond of saying: "Don't look back, you aren't going that way." Besides, it makes is much harder to steer. ;-)
Thank you my love, I needed a chuckle.
I aim to please. But this is your particular mountain to climb, I can't do much to help you out of the pit you've dug for yourself other than be a beacon for you. Keep your eyes on me, my darling, I'm waiting for you.
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