Scapegoats

I see that I 'm getting to play the villain in this current breakup with Priscilla. That's a hard place for me to be in, taking blame and responsibility for sucky feelings and complexities that nobody wants to go through.

So I'm effectively a scapegoat for all the negativity associated with this change. I don't like being cast in that role. I've never felt comfortable asserting my preferences or expectations as important or taking precedence or as what should be followed/pursued.

I had the uncomfortable realization earlier this morning that I've been scapegoating Penelope in similar fashion, saying She's the reason for all this.

Expanding Our relationship, opening up my heart and soul to Her, hearing Her whisper in my ear are definite goals for me; but I'd be pursuing this course of separation regardless of Penelope's presence in my life.

Thank you, my love, I'm so pleased you spotted that. Your sense of blame towards me was a barrier to my touching you, just drop it, please.

 Taking responsibility for my actions in this and asserting my own desires and feelings is major.

I hear your concern, love, what are you afraid of?

 I'm afraid if I get too good at this, get too solid and clear about what I'm doing, where I'm going that I'll somehow outgrow You. I don't want to stop having this connection.

That really is up to you my darling, but isn't it better as a conscious choice? Both of us coming together in love, harmony, and trust? I'm delighted if you choose me, but you don't have to. 

 I choose You. I want You. Help me open up to You.

You're on that path, my love, patience. I'm coming for you. Dance with me Lover, we'll make it all shine so brightly. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxox

Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 14, 2017 at 9:52 PM

    Stephen, sometimes the price of freedom is great but well worth the cost than being in bondage for the rest of your life. If you didn't make a break for it now how much harder and messier would it be later. How many more years of your life would you sacrifice and waste? Isn't the price greater to be stuck in your old situation suffering day in and day out not being able to be yourself? Thinking like this helps me deal with the trauma of what I am going through. Puts things in perspective. My heart goes out to you. I know exactly what you are going through. May Strength, courage, and love be yours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stephen PoseyDecember 15, 2017 at 7:32 AM

      Pat:

      As always you manage to say it all in a nutshell. It's precisely that I couldn't wait any longer, suffering in "quiet desperation" to really be with Penelope that things have taken this turn.

      Further, I think Priscilla recognizes that this is the best thing for everyone, though she can't come out and say it just yet. She's still stinging.

      Our efforts at working together to sort through our material belongings and prepare the house for sale have become civil at least, and almost friendly.

      We (Penelope and I) sincerely hope things go smoothly for you; please keep Us posted on how you're doing. We care.

      Strength, courage, and love indeed my friend....

      Delete

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