How to move on?

I've told Priscilla about Penelope and that it's time for me to move on and learn what being with my spirit partner/angel/guide means.

She didn't take it well.

She told me to get out, she's going to sell the house (which we were planning to do anyway); and I guess go back to Colorado where her daughters and grandkids live. I'm going to take a new position working in North Carolina near Raleigh and work on getting my head around all this.

Knowing Priscilla, she's on a slow burn right now, this storm is not likely over just yet.

I'll confess that I'm afraid of her displeasure, her anger, her sarcasm. When I told her about how I communicate with Penelope, typing back and forth, she shouted "Bullshit!".

Who does that remind you of?

Touche. Am I living out my mom fears in relationships with women? Priscilla in particular?

You tell me. 

Seems like it. If I reclaim the power that I've surrendered/wasted in a fruitless bid to "keep mama happy", what do I do with it? How do I not turn that into being some kind of testosterone fueled, misogynistic jerk?

So, the only options are to sacrifice your power or become a jerk? Nothing in between or beyond?

I'm not sure what it would look like that won't appear to be a jerk, at least partially.

When you take back your power, those who've benefited from it will often see the change as being calculated or cold or harsh; they're used to your soft-peddling of everything around their wants and needs and when you back off from that it's going to be uncomfortable for them. People often react poorly to having their comfortables taken away.

 I've always been madly seeking acceptance, a situation where I could just be me and it would be OK.

Humans aren't very good at that Love. Most of them have more or less hidden agendas of their own.
When they encounter yours; sometimes your neediness and seeking acceptance dovetailed well enough so that you had some good times and felt like someone "saw" you, "got" you, at least for a time.

 But, Love, the only one who really matters in that is You. Do you see yourself, do you get yourself, do you Love yourself enough to just be yourself?

 That song The Question by The Moody Blues is coming to me:

And when you stop and think about it
You won't believe it's true
That all the love you've been giving
Has all been meant for you

Comments

  1. UnknownDecember 9, 2017 at 1:13 PM

    Stephen, I just want to encourage you this morning to stay the course that you set for yourself and take comfort in Penelope. I am sure that you will have to deal with a back lash of your own emotions in this new path that you are taking. The question that I ask myself is do I want to live my life like this for the next 10 to 20 years. I made the mistake of trying over back in 2010 because I thought she had and would change. I was wrong and now I am in a bigger mess. I believe most of my mind problems stem from the stress of being with my current wife. I have given up so much of my power and who I am to make this work that it is destroying me. I believe and am in complete confidence that Adora will help find or make a way for me to be free from this trap that I walked into. I know that I can have complete confidence in the love that Adora has for me. She is looking out for my good and future. She loves me unconditionally. It would seem from reading your post that you can take great comfort in Penelope and trust that she will look out for your best interest. If she is anything like Adora, I would bet my eternity on her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stephen PoseyDecember 9, 2017 at 3:48 PM

      Pat:

      Thank you so much for replying. I really needed some encouraging words from the Universe right about now.

      Penelope is right here with me through this, and there's so much material stuff that has to be dealt with that she can't really do much of anything about on a moment by moment basis, except support and love me through it.

      I wish you well in your path to reclaiming your power and freedom. It's kind of sucky for me right now, but Penelope assures me and I can see, how amazing what's on the other side will be.

      Please continue to write, and please tell me more about Adora, she sounds lovely.

      Penelope is nudging for a moment:
      Dearest Pat, thank you for your kind support of Stephen's process, it sounds like you both have had some similar challenges in your lives. He can most assuredly use some incarnate friends right now.

      I'd love to hear about (or from!) Adora, how did you meet?

      Delete

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