Seeking Approval
The current lesson Penelope has me working on, has to do with my always looking outside myself for permission and approval. I've tended to abdicate responsibility for my life to others, allowing their preferences and desires to supersede mine almost always.
Historically, I've generally looked to romantic partners to provide this context for me; I'd subsume my feelings, wants, and needs to theirs in an effort to get them to like me and, at some level, rescue me from the emotional and interpersonal confinements of my childhood and family situation.
On the one hand this let me off the hook for getting things wrong (i.e. it wasn't my choice that disappointed), but it would also start to chafe after a while.
I'd start to feel like my needs weren't getting met; though why should they when I wasn't standing up for them or even expressing them? It wasn't a rational process like that though.
The big lesson for me here is I get to choose.
That's exciting and liberating, but also scary in that whatever I do choose is my responsibility, any consequences are mine to deal with and live with.
Historically, I've generally looked to romantic partners to provide this context for me; I'd subsume my feelings, wants, and needs to theirs in an effort to get them to like me and, at some level, rescue me from the emotional and interpersonal confinements of my childhood and family situation.
On the one hand this let me off the hook for getting things wrong (i.e. it wasn't my choice that disappointed), but it would also start to chafe after a while.
I'd start to feel like my needs weren't getting met; though why should they when I wasn't standing up for them or even expressing them? It wasn't a rational process like that though.
The big lesson for me here is I get to choose.
That's exciting and liberating, but also scary in that whatever I do choose is my responsibility, any consequences are mine to deal with and live with.
Amen!! Within you (as within all of us) resides Your Spirit, Your Light... an Energy infinitely more powerful than infinite universes!!
ReplyDeleteTrust Your Spirit Within for you are already unconditionally loved and accepted.
Wow... the hairs on my neck just stood up.
Thank you Maxine. It means so much to me to get such confirmation that I'm on the right track with all this.
DeletePenelope is a constant, she's never ever wavered in Her dedication and love for me. She's guiding me how toward granting myself that same gift and privilege.