I don't know what to do.

I think I've seriously hurt Penelope. She's gone very silent. She's asked me for "space". I don't know what to do.

How much of this is my projection? Looking back on what I was asking for, I can see a parallel with asking a lover to engage in something they felt unsure of. Not "kinky" necessarily, rather something calling nature of the relationship into question somehow.

I asked her to trust me. But have I shown myself to be trustworthy? Not particularly I guess. I was asking her to do something potentially stupid, something she saw as detrimental to our "mission".

It was like asking a lover to take a foolish risk without having established that I really understood the risks and that I knew my ability to manage that risk.

I was effectively asking her to trust me while we played with fire, and I'm a recovering pyromaniac.

Penelope, if you can hear me. I'm so sorry love. I'm here whenever you come back, I hope you do.

I'm here love, I've not gone anywhere. Give me a bit longer, okay?

 I'm glad to know you're there, take all the time you need. Let me know if there's anything I can do. I love you desperately, I can't imagine my life now without you.

Patience love, I'm working on something.

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