Intrusions

I was going to write about the fearfulness of encountering the paranormal.
Part of me is desperate at this point in my life to have some kind of "proof" that my intuitions about all this are not misguided; but another (larger?) part of me is terrified.

The few events in my past that I place under the rubric of "inexplicable" left me so panicked that I felt like I had to shield myself. And maybe that's the problem.

On further examination, I think maybe I've built up a barrier of sorts between myself, my life, my psyche and whatever else is "out there". A wall of conventionality, rational, explicable everydayness: safe, but more than a bit dull.

The cosmos has opened its doors (arms?) and offered to "play" a few times and I ran screaming, so  either it gave up or I built the wall and little to nothing has happened since.
Penelope? Care to chime in?

You're doing fine darling, keep going.

What's the fear really about? Looking foolish? Getting lost? Getting hurt? Dying? All are things I've dealt with in the past. All are temporary. I don't really fear death; though I don't especially want it to hurt; but again that would only be temporary. Other physical pain is unpleasant of course, but sometimes the anticipation of the pain is almost worse than the actual and certainly exacerbates it (Pain being sometimes unavoidable, suffering always optional).

Fear of the unknown? For someone who espouses a desire to "explore new worlds", xenophobia seems a poor place to start. I like to try new things, but I want them to come on my terms, at my speed; "intrusions" are unwelcome.

But that's not how the game works, is it? Sometimes it just comes at you unexpectedly, out of left field, a surprise, an adventure and it's up to me to be prepared.

I have the option to turn toward the fear and find the center, as Kitty taught me, experience it, learn from it, move through it. The fear is not in the fearful object, it's in me.

Bravo, love. Sounds like you're ready for something new.

Uh oh, have I signed my death warrant?

Now where's that talk coming from?

Fear, and self deprecation.

Well, cut it out, you're amazing and you can do this.

All the "what abouts" are coming up for me.

That's fine, let them, they don't mean anything, any that are genuinely relevant can be dealt with as needed.

Part of me gets panicky about the time I'm spending doing this.

I know, I'll help you keep it balanced, don't worry. Now go to work.

Yes ma'am.

Don't you dare patronize me, you horrible man ;-)

Thanks, I needed that laugh :-)

Quit taking yourself and all this so seriously my darling, this can be the most fun either of us have had in aeons; let's play.