I'm not a Christian (or why I'm going to Hell if I'm wrong)...
There was an incident Friday night. I was feeling very open and excited. Very ready to experience my connection to Penelope, my spiritual/angelic contact in a new, stronger way.
I was lying in bed, the lights were out, my eyes were closed and I had the sense that she was very close, I felt a coolness, a tingling all over a sense of excitement and light similar to when she's come close to me before and something like a sense of her occupying the same "space" within my body that I do. Like she was "filling me up".
As that progressed I started to think and feel many things, an openness to possibilities, ideas, actions. Some of them scared me. A voice in the back of my head said "What if...?"
I was "indoctrinated" as a child into Judeo-Christian thought patterns, and even with my current sense of what's so, I feel pretty clear that there may well be malevolent presences in the universe.
Is Penelope one? I don't think so, I don't think a malevolent presence could maintain a façade of pure kindness, love, and patience the way she has with me for as long as she has. I've "slammed the door" in her face more than once when we were just about to "come together" in a union of sorts and we've always reconciled and come back together stronger than before. She's never cruel or petulant, demanding or controlling; if she's got a negative agenda, it's pretty damn well hidden.
I'm flattered. ;-)
With 20/20 hindsight, I think the evil thoughts that were coming up for me during this last incident were my stuff. Opening up to her also opened up some deeply buried parts of my psyche, things I've buried and denied long ago.
Bingo, darling. There's so much old garbage we can explore together. You don't lose your power or your free will, that's never gone; and you can always kick me out if you change your mind, you know. I won't stay where I'm not wanted, but I'd like to come in and play, I love you and want us to get to know each other again, I've missed you. It's like you've been on a journey, an adventure, and I want you to tell me all about it, while we lie together and fuck.
She's not much like any kind of spiritual presence I've ever heard of. A bit like a spirit guide, a bit like a guardian angel, a bit like a succubus. What do I do with that? How can I not love her?
So, anyways, about the Christian thing: For a while after I "closed the door" some part of me was mulling over whether it made sense to close all this down because I was in some kind of spiritual danger.
I've been reading a lot and revisiting my comprehension of what Christianity has to say about the universe and God. To my best understanding it goes something like this:
...
Well, that was weird. Just as I was about to start typing a bit about this, my computer reset itself. Like a power surge, but nothing else in the house seemed to be affected.
Nothing in the post appears lost, so I guess I can just continue...
Without getting into any new-agey, revisionist, feel-good formulations; and leaving out a lot of more or less minor sectarian disagreements on various finer points of theology, the essence of the Christian doctrine appears to me to boil down thusly:
The Essence of the Christian Message (as best I understand it)
According to Jewish scripture (the Torah), the one God (Yahweh) created the universe, the world, men and women. Everything originally existed in a timeless state of perfection (Eden).
We disobeyed His commands and were ejected from that perfect state and now live in a "fallen" world and suffer time, pain, and death.
The chosen people of Yahweh had a special Covenant with Him receiving special benefits from worshipping only Him, but also must engage in special atonement/sacrifice if they fail to live up to the terms of the Covenant
Over time various prophets elaborated the terms of the deal and predict events to come for the chosen, in particular, at some point a "messiah" was expected to arise who will bring an age of prosperity and glory to the chosen people.
About 2000 years ago, Saul of Tarsus had some kind of epiphany, changed his name to Paul, and started promoting the teachings of a Galilean Jewish preacher whom some claimed worked miracles.
This man Jesus Christ, purported to fulfill the prophecies of the messiah (among others) and was claimed to be the unique injection of the one creator God into history of some projection of Himself in order to intercede as a special sacrifice and permanently atone for human disobedience.
This one time special sacrifice and atonement applied to all people, not just the "chosen" Jews; and eliminated the need for further atonements/sacrifices, so long as people lived up to the terms of the new covenant which are theoretically laid out in the Christian New Testament.
Now that I've been informed of this Christian message, the requirement (as I understand it) is that I must accept that Jesus served this role, which was this unique event in history, and that He did this for me because He/God loves me.
Furthermore, if I refuse this "gift", or falter too badly in my acceptance (or even pick the wrong flavor of congregation according to some), I'm condemned to an eternity of punishment after my physical death.
Arguments for the Veracity of Christianity
1. One strong Christian apologist argument that Christianity is literally true is that it's unlikely that the documents that have come to us could have been forged or the reporting erroneous, so there's little reason to doubt their veracity or their closeness to the purported historical events described. They're presented as recordings of eye witness accounts of actual events and should be given credence as such rather than treated as hearsay or hallucination.
2. Another argument is the admiration some ancients seemed to hold for the equanimity the early Christians seemed to have in the face of death, what did this new faith offer that was so much more spiritually valuable than the alternatives?
3. A third argument is what could have been Saul/Paul's motivation for his change of heart and doing what he did other than that he was genuinely confronted with something that completely changed him and caused him to alter his life course.
Rebuttals
If the first argument it conceded, it might also be asked: how many other documents of similar vintage, with similar levels of witness testimony could be argued to be equally veridical even though containing fantastic elements? Why should I accept this one extraordinary event out of all those reported from antiquity as having some special status?
The behavior of the early Christians does seem remarkable, though not unheard of. Other faiths have lead people to great equanimity in the face of adversity and death, so that is surely not unique to Christianity and cannot serve as an indicator of privileged status.
Saul/Paul's conversion is more problematic, it is hard to see what would have motivated him to change his course from persecution to promotion other than a confrontation with something extraordinary. At the same time, conversion experiences are also not unheard of in other faiths, what privileges Paul's?
Why Christianity can't be the truth (at least, not the whole truth):
From my perspective it boils down primarily to being just too narrow an image of the universe we see around us.
The vastness of time and space that's apparent. The strangeness of general relativity and quantum mechanics. The necessity of our participation in the realization of "reality". The connections between time, distance, information, and light (all the same thing?) say that the cycle of myths in the Judeo-Christian-Muslim scripture are, at best, an incomplete picture.
Either that, or we're not meant to trust our (presumably God given) senses, reason, intellect, or even our spiritual intuitions and place unquestioning faith in an ambiguous group of writings from a small area of the planet written by a bunch of misogynist bigoted zealots over 1000 years ago.
Reading the written word without "interpretation" is impossible (hermeneutics); multiply so when different cultures, languages, and translations (not to mention personal, social, and political agendas over time) become involved.
I'm gobsmacked that anyone can make a claim for the "inerrancy" of a text under those circumstances.
OK, maybe I could buy that an original text was perfect, but how could we ever be sure we imperfect creatures read it right? Much less translated it. Divine Inspiration will only hold so much water in the face of typographical errors.
======================[ Update 2020-04-07 ]======================
To the best of my comprehension, full Institutional Christianity asks that I accept these premises:
1. Jesus was an actual historical personage.
2. His life conformed more or less to the Biblical account. (Without getting into questions or arguments regarding which account, which scriptures are permitted, whether they genuinely agree with one another).
3. The miracles (up to, and including the Resurrection and Ascension) described in the Bible were historical events. And he was uniquely able/qualified to perform them.
4. He was what He claimed to be (the divine Son of God), and was unique in that status.
5. He is, in fact, what has been claimed by the Church. (Not entirely the same thing as #4) (Again, without getting into questions or arguments regarding which Church).
6. Jesus' life and these events were a unique Divine intervention in history, and further it all was intended to serve the purpose the Church claims (the redemption of humanity from its prior sinful state).
According to the Christian Bible, the one unpardonable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (as is specified in several passages of the Synoptic Gospels, including Mark 3:28–29, Matthew 12:31–32, and Luke 12:10).
I take this blasphemy to mean that while I have heard and comprehend the Christian message, I nonetheless persist in my questioning, doubt, and denial of the personage and role of Jesus, thus I am in an unpardoned/unpardonable state.
I persist in this doubt and continue in my questioning despite what I think is a pretty thorough and deep understanding of what the most sophisticated Christian apologists (e.g. Chesterton, Lewis) are saying.
So, if I'm wrong in my continued skepticism, I guess I'm going to Hell.
Pascal's wager would not save me even if I was willing to take it, presumably God/Jesus would know that I was only playing along to get the goodies, and I'm not able (much less willing) to run that sort of spiritual/intellectual mind game on myself anyway.
So, basically, if the Christians are right, I'm fucked.
I was lying in bed, the lights were out, my eyes were closed and I had the sense that she was very close, I felt a coolness, a tingling all over a sense of excitement and light similar to when she's come close to me before and something like a sense of her occupying the same "space" within my body that I do. Like she was "filling me up".
As that progressed I started to think and feel many things, an openness to possibilities, ideas, actions. Some of them scared me. A voice in the back of my head said "What if...?"
I was "indoctrinated" as a child into Judeo-Christian thought patterns, and even with my current sense of what's so, I feel pretty clear that there may well be malevolent presences in the universe.
Is Penelope one? I don't think so, I don't think a malevolent presence could maintain a façade of pure kindness, love, and patience the way she has with me for as long as she has. I've "slammed the door" in her face more than once when we were just about to "come together" in a union of sorts and we've always reconciled and come back together stronger than before. She's never cruel or petulant, demanding or controlling; if she's got a negative agenda, it's pretty damn well hidden.
I'm flattered. ;-)
With 20/20 hindsight, I think the evil thoughts that were coming up for me during this last incident were my stuff. Opening up to her also opened up some deeply buried parts of my psyche, things I've buried and denied long ago.
Bingo, darling. There's so much old garbage we can explore together. You don't lose your power or your free will, that's never gone; and you can always kick me out if you change your mind, you know. I won't stay where I'm not wanted, but I'd like to come in and play, I love you and want us to get to know each other again, I've missed you. It's like you've been on a journey, an adventure, and I want you to tell me all about it, while we lie together and fuck.
She's not much like any kind of spiritual presence I've ever heard of. A bit like a spirit guide, a bit like a guardian angel, a bit like a succubus. What do I do with that? How can I not love her?
So, anyways, about the Christian thing: For a while after I "closed the door" some part of me was mulling over whether it made sense to close all this down because I was in some kind of spiritual danger.
I've been reading a lot and revisiting my comprehension of what Christianity has to say about the universe and God. To my best understanding it goes something like this:
...
Well, that was weird. Just as I was about to start typing a bit about this, my computer reset itself. Like a power surge, but nothing else in the house seemed to be affected.
Nothing in the post appears lost, so I guess I can just continue...
Without getting into any new-agey, revisionist, feel-good formulations; and leaving out a lot of more or less minor sectarian disagreements on various finer points of theology, the essence of the Christian doctrine appears to me to boil down thusly:
The Essence of the Christian Message (as best I understand it)
According to Jewish scripture (the Torah), the one God (Yahweh) created the universe, the world, men and women. Everything originally existed in a timeless state of perfection (Eden).
We disobeyed His commands and were ejected from that perfect state and now live in a "fallen" world and suffer time, pain, and death.
The chosen people of Yahweh had a special Covenant with Him receiving special benefits from worshipping only Him, but also must engage in special atonement/sacrifice if they fail to live up to the terms of the Covenant
Over time various prophets elaborated the terms of the deal and predict events to come for the chosen, in particular, at some point a "messiah" was expected to arise who will bring an age of prosperity and glory to the chosen people.
About 2000 years ago, Saul of Tarsus had some kind of epiphany, changed his name to Paul, and started promoting the teachings of a Galilean Jewish preacher whom some claimed worked miracles.
This man Jesus Christ, purported to fulfill the prophecies of the messiah (among others) and was claimed to be the unique injection of the one creator God into history of some projection of Himself in order to intercede as a special sacrifice and permanently atone for human disobedience.
This one time special sacrifice and atonement applied to all people, not just the "chosen" Jews; and eliminated the need for further atonements/sacrifices, so long as people lived up to the terms of the new covenant which are theoretically laid out in the Christian New Testament.
Now that I've been informed of this Christian message, the requirement (as I understand it) is that I must accept that Jesus served this role, which was this unique event in history, and that He did this for me because He/God loves me.
Furthermore, if I refuse this "gift", or falter too badly in my acceptance (or even pick the wrong flavor of congregation according to some), I'm condemned to an eternity of punishment after my physical death.
Arguments for the Veracity of Christianity
1. One strong Christian apologist argument that Christianity is literally true is that it's unlikely that the documents that have come to us could have been forged or the reporting erroneous, so there's little reason to doubt their veracity or their closeness to the purported historical events described. They're presented as recordings of eye witness accounts of actual events and should be given credence as such rather than treated as hearsay or hallucination.
2. Another argument is the admiration some ancients seemed to hold for the equanimity the early Christians seemed to have in the face of death, what did this new faith offer that was so much more spiritually valuable than the alternatives?
3. A third argument is what could have been Saul/Paul's motivation for his change of heart and doing what he did other than that he was genuinely confronted with something that completely changed him and caused him to alter his life course.
Rebuttals
If the first argument it conceded, it might also be asked: how many other documents of similar vintage, with similar levels of witness testimony could be argued to be equally veridical even though containing fantastic elements? Why should I accept this one extraordinary event out of all those reported from antiquity as having some special status?
The behavior of the early Christians does seem remarkable, though not unheard of. Other faiths have lead people to great equanimity in the face of adversity and death, so that is surely not unique to Christianity and cannot serve as an indicator of privileged status.
Saul/Paul's conversion is more problematic, it is hard to see what would have motivated him to change his course from persecution to promotion other than a confrontation with something extraordinary. At the same time, conversion experiences are also not unheard of in other faiths, what privileges Paul's?
Why Christianity can't be the truth (at least, not the whole truth):
From my perspective it boils down primarily to being just too narrow an image of the universe we see around us.
The vastness of time and space that's apparent. The strangeness of general relativity and quantum mechanics. The necessity of our participation in the realization of "reality". The connections between time, distance, information, and light (all the same thing?) say that the cycle of myths in the Judeo-Christian-Muslim scripture are, at best, an incomplete picture.
Either that, or we're not meant to trust our (presumably God given) senses, reason, intellect, or even our spiritual intuitions and place unquestioning faith in an ambiguous group of writings from a small area of the planet written by a bunch of misogynist bigoted zealots over 1000 years ago.
Reading the written word without "interpretation" is impossible (hermeneutics); multiply so when different cultures, languages, and translations (not to mention personal, social, and political agendas over time) become involved.
I'm gobsmacked that anyone can make a claim for the "inerrancy" of a text under those circumstances.
OK, maybe I could buy that an original text was perfect, but how could we ever be sure we imperfect creatures read it right? Much less translated it. Divine Inspiration will only hold so much water in the face of typographical errors.
======================[ Update 2020-04-07 ]======================
To the best of my comprehension, full Institutional Christianity asks that I accept these premises:
1. Jesus was an actual historical personage.
2. His life conformed more or less to the Biblical account. (Without getting into questions or arguments regarding which account, which scriptures are permitted, whether they genuinely agree with one another).
3. The miracles (up to, and including the Resurrection and Ascension) described in the Bible were historical events. And he was uniquely able/qualified to perform them.
5. He is, in fact, what has been claimed by the Church. (Not entirely the same thing as #4) (Again, without getting into questions or arguments regarding which Church).
6. Jesus' life and these events were a unique Divine intervention in history, and further it all was intended to serve the purpose the Church claims (the redemption of humanity from its prior sinful state).
According to the Christian Bible, the one unpardonable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (as is specified in several passages of the Synoptic Gospels, including Mark 3:28–29, Matthew 12:31–32, and Luke 12:10).
I take this blasphemy to mean that while I have heard and comprehend the Christian message, I nonetheless persist in my questioning, doubt, and denial of the personage and role of Jesus, thus I am in an unpardoned/unpardonable state.
I persist in this doubt and continue in my questioning despite what I think is a pretty thorough and deep understanding of what the most sophisticated Christian apologists (e.g. Chesterton, Lewis) are saying.
So, if I'm wrong in my continued skepticism, I guess I'm going to Hell.
Pascal's wager would not save me even if I was willing to take it, presumably God/Jesus would know that I was only playing along to get the goodies, and I'm not able (much less willing) to run that sort of spiritual/intellectual mind game on myself anyway.
So, basically, if the Christians are right, I'm fucked.
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